Comments on: Mastering the Art of Difficult Conversations

By: Laurie Riedman

Laurie Riedman — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:14:42 +0000

This is a great post and love all the comments! I’ve often said to clients, friends and even my kids — that our culture – particularly our business culture – trains most of us to avoid conflict rather than deal with it.

I won’t echo all the great tips / advice given in the post and the comments – but just wanted to celebrate that there are folks who see conflict as the opportunity it is for positive change.

By: Pilar Iglesias

Pilar Iglesias — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:03:58 +0000

Gini – I loved this post, especially the “Don’t get defensive” rule. I think when anyone is met with a difficult situation the automatic response is to be defensive instead letting that go and taking that feedback as a learning tool.

I sent your post around my office – thanks!

By: Todd Woods

Todd Woods — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:59:27 +0000

Get to the root cause with a little emotion as possible. Deal in facts but maintain empathy for the situation.

By: ava diamond

ava diamond — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:12:03 +0000

The post and comments are so wonderful I have little to add. Yet, I would add one thing to your post-it note–breathe (deeply)

I think it helps keep me relaxed and open if things feel tense.

By: Troy Newhouse

Troy Newhouse — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:01:41 +0000

Gini
Great blog, this is why I like to listen as I told you the other day I learn from what people have to say and people love to talk about everything. As for saying NO people will go out of there way to not say it and even spend money they don’t have sometimes to keep from saying it. Me on the other hand I say it more than I should and I tell people that if your not interested just tell me NO so I can move on.
All the comments where great and as informative as the article. Thanks once again.

By: BlogsMadeSimple (Blogging Made Simple)

BlogsMadeSimple (Blogging Made Simple) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:49:58 +0000

@ginideitrich Good article about difficult conversations. http://tinyurl.com/ylad65s

By: Lauren Smith

Lauren Smith — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:16:06 +0000

Awesome post! Ironically, talking about having hard conversations is just as uncomfortable as having them. Which is probably why hardly anyone has yet touched upon the topic. Great advice on handling these situations, I think that’s 95% of the problem: no one really knows where to start a hard conversation without it going downhill–in a hurry.

By: Gini Dietrich

Gini Dietrich — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:14:04 +0000

Um Erin? As one of my IRL best friends, YOU know I don’t know how to say no. It’s impossible for me to do. Perhaps someone can guest blog on that topic for Erin and me??

By: Erin Brumleve

Erin Brumleve — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:10:50 +0000

I love this post and find it extremely relevant though I, like Raymond, come from a different background as well (psychotherapy). I appreciate your honesty Gini that it is much less enjoyable to be confrontational. I am in complete accord with the other comments on the idea of acting “as a team” and letting the other party know you are aiming for a win/win situation.

Your 3 tips are simply stated (and thus easier to remember) -which is important in those difficult conversatios when emotions could possibly short circuit our more rational brain functions.

I find in my therapeutic work with clients, in addition to your strategies its easier for me to have a hard conversation and be confrontational if I say a thing or two about the person’s strenghts first. For example “I really appreciate your desire to have effective communication with me” – or something to that effect – “and this is an area, I need to discuss with you further..”

I think some of my hardest conversations involve “saying no” – could you do a post about that as well?!?

By: Gini Dietrich

Gini Dietrich — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:06:47 +0000

As always, the comments are smarter than the post itself. We all agree Jeff makes some great points. And I love what Ray says about commanding respect, not necessarily popularity. It’s a great thing to remember in our every day lives.

When I work with clients in both offline and online communication, I help them practice listening as the foundation for anything they do. It’s hard to do because, as human beings, we all want to be heard. But if you can master listening, you’ll command respect and be a master communicator and hard conversations won’t be that difficult, after all.

P.S. Thomas, I typically have to count higher than 10, too. That whole impatience, hot temper thing.