Five Ways to Rule the World

By: Guest | September 30, 2010 | 

Guest post by The Young Turk. Additional editing and amplification by his mom, Sarah Robinson.

A note from the author’s mother:

My son, The Young Turk, is all about ruling the world. It is one of the many reasons Gini Dietrich thinks he is awesome. So when we were asked to write a guest post for Spin Sucks, I asked the YT for the top five strategies he would share with those who also aspire to world domination.

Here’s what he offered – with some additional thoughts, editing, and amplification from me. 🙂

~ Sarah Robinson, otherwise known as The Young Turk’s Mom

Strategy #1 – Pay the Army lots of money and get a tank.

Yes, ruling the world by force and by creating fear seems to be a popular choice for political and business leaders alike. Sadly, as awesome as this strategy sounds, it isn’t sustainable. There will always be someone with a bigger gun.

Strategy #2 – Teach everyone karate.

Engaging everyone in a learning activity – especially a physical and spiritual one like karate – builds common experience. And really, doesn’t enrolling the entire world in the same karate dojo, teaching them “Wax on. Wax off,” and then beating the crap out of the bully sound like a pretty awesome way to rule the world?

Strategy #3 Have everyone readVordak the Incomprehensible: How to Grow Up and Rule the World.”

Why would any aspiring world dominator want to share his playbook for ruling the world? Two reasons: 1) it empowers everyone to believe that they, too, can be rulers of their world and 2) giving away your top secret stuff means you’ve got to stay on top of your innovation game – which is, in fact, one of the true secrets of world domination.

Strategy #4 – Divide the world into two basketball teams.

Imagine this as your World Ruler campaign platform: All global conflicts and disagreements would be solved on the basketball court. No one could defeat you.

In the end, all world dominators know that conflict resolution is a) their most important job and b) how they spend most of their time. And the ways they choose to handle this most critical task makes or breaks their career. The more they create buy-in and actual enthusiasm around the process, the happier everyone will be.

Strategy #5 – Give everyone a Krispy Kreme “hot now” donut.

If you’ve had one of these, you know that you’ll do just about anything to get your hands on a dozen or two. Or three. Nothing on earth should taste like a “hot now,” and he who gives them away can command legions.

If you’ve never experienced a “hot now,” well….resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.

The Young Turk is the 8-year-old son of Sarah Robinson. His unique lens on the world regularly inspires the work that she does at her blog, Escaping Mediocrity.

  • I have one of these young rulers of the world. He used to wear his cape and take on all kinds of problems he was certain he could solve.
    Now he is a 29 year old Captain in the Military, Ranger tabbed and being recruited to work with our government on missions his supportive mother cringes over. Without these young aspiring leaders, what hope would we have? Keep problem solving, Young Turk. Your turn to rule the world is just around the corner!

  • Wonderful advice – Young Turk is truly a brilliant child!

    I took away a slightly different perspective on his #1 piece of advice – that is, treat those who support you (and help keep you in power) really well. And always have a secret weapon in your back pocket.

    And #3 is the what the most successful online marketers advice – give people your best stuff, your ‘secrets to success’, because few people can actually accomplish what you tell them to, but many people will pay just to simply believe that they can.

    Very, very smart 8-year old. I predict he will be very successful someday.

  • The only advice I have for my boyfriend is this: It’s GLOBAL Domination.

  • Just so everyone is clear – he is actively recruiting minions. No experience necessary. 🙂

  • Now here is a young man with his priorities in the right place! Can’t say I approve of his choice of Planet-Conquering Costumes, however.

  • Actually, there’s another way to look at #1:

    Compensate your employees incredibly well and create a product that’s so good, it’s immune to the slings and arrows of the other team.

    Ultimately, it creates loyalty on the part of your team as well as your clients. I think it’s genius beyond genius. If only everyone paid their armies well and built tank-like products!

    • Ooooooooooorrrrrr, grant your minions nothing more than the privilege of occasionally groveling at your feet and arm them with faulty, inexpensive lasers. Works for me.