Gini Dietrich

Happy Birthday to Me from Jack Bauer

By: Gini Dietrich | February 10, 2012 | 

Today’s guest post is written by Jack Bauer.

It’s my birthday and Mr. D thought it would be funny to have Jack Bauer “write” today’s blog post. So, um, here it is. 

Hello, my name is Jack Bauer.

The rumors are true. I love food.

Technically, I believe our definitions of “food” may be slightly different, but that’s not why I took time out from my hectic daily schedule to write my first post on Spin Sucks.

Everyone knows I am a bit of a social media “noob” as the pups call it these days.  I do have a Facebook page, and occasionally I’ll post.  But frankly, the treat-to-time ratio isn’t really worth the effort. I have better luck waiting for Mr. D to forget to take out the trash or turn his back on a plate of food (again.)  That guy never learns.

I did hear there is a canine Facebook. I even checked it out, but once I realized you couldn’t smell a single friend I walked away.  Anyone could post anything.  How would you ever know the truth?  If I can stick my nose in there and smell for myself, I don’t trust anyone.

I know for a fact there are beagles to be claiming to be bloodhounds.  A Chihuahua friend of mine was posting as Great Dane.  It’s simple chaos.  I even know a bulldog who tried to post a pic of him without an underbite.  Who would ever believe that?

But today is special.  It’s my mom’s birthday. What does this mean?  Yes, her iPhone will explode from Facebook and Twitter alerts.

But back to me, I’l be able to score at least a couple of cupcakes, probably more if Aunt Patti comes by. She rocks.

However, it also means I have the opportunity to thank the woman who saved my life, opened her home, her heart and her kitchen cabinets/trash cans/dirty laundry baskets to me.

I am writing a brief but heartfelt note to the beautiful woman who feeds me, spoils me, cleans my ears, runs with me, and loves me.

Happy Birthday Momma!

Now, if you will excuse me, the mailman is due any minute and I can still squeeze in a nap in Mr. D’s spot on the bed before he gets back from basketball.  He gets all worked up when he catches me there and starts barking orders.  Off! Down!  Rollover…yada yada yada.

Relax buddy. It’s usually easier to just give in after a bit and make the poor guy feel like he’s in charge.  After all, he picks up my poop. Who do YOU think is the real Alpha Male in this house?

Typed in human words by Mr. D.

About Gini Dietrich

Gini Dietrich is the founder and CEO of Arment Dietrich, an integrated marketing communications firm. She is the author of Spin Sucks, co-author of Marketing in the Round, and co-host of Inside PR. She also is the lead blogger at Spin Sucks and is the founder of Spin Sucks Pro. Join the Spin Sucks   community!

  • belllindsay

    “I am writing a brief but heartfelt note to the beautiful woman who feeds me, spoils me, cleans my ears, runs with me, and loves me.” – Jack Bauer my ass!!! Hellooo, Mr. D…!?

    • ginidietrich

      @belllindsay LOL! He totally wrote it. It was in my inbox this morning. Except there is one false statement. Mr. D cleans up waaaaay less poop than me.

      • belllindsay

        @ginidietrich He was clearly projecting. Of course, there is a chance you take better care of Jack than you do hubs! HAHAHA

        • ginidietrich

          @belllindsay What?! Noooo! OK. I do. It’s so true. I tell JB, all the time, he’s he love of my life.

    • @belllindsay I’m not gonna lie. That line brought tears.

      • belllindsay

        @Lisa Gerber Mine..? Or the dog’s…?? 😉

  • Happy Birthday to the cutest rider I’ve ever known and all the very best :)Keep on ROCKING.

    • ginidietrich

      @Yael Rozencwajg And you’ve seen the Tour riders! Thanks Yael!

  • Awesome. Happy Birthday and thanks for all your help and inspiration. As much as I poke fun at you, I’m sure you know the spirit behind it. I really do value our friendship. And now, go spoil JB and have a great day!

    • ginidietrich

      @KenMueller Whoa. Not only is it my birthday, you’re nice to me, too?? Thanks, Ken! I adore you, too!

  • katskrieger

    Love it. Happy happy! I hope you have a rocking day! Enjoy it! 😉

    • ginidietrich

      @katskrieger Everyone is still asleep. Should I get them up? It is, after all, my birthday!

  • Very entertaining. Happy birthday to ya!

    • ginidietrich

      @Anthony_Rodriguez Thank you! I had a different post today, but found this in my inbox this morning. 🙂

  • Hahahaha…”technically, I believe our definition of food may be slightly different…” Hilarious! My belief is that dogs are the superior beings…we are here to serve them! What other creature can communicate with a mere look, cause people to stop what they are doing to faun all over them, get food by just wagging their tail, and be allowed to shed on, drool on and occupy entire pieces of furniture while we sit on the floor? Yea…I rest my case.
    That said, Jack Bauer is one lucky dog…his Momma is awesome with a capital “A”!! Happy Birthday awesome Gini….you deserve the best!
    Love, hugs and slobbers,
    Claudia, Gus and their owners, Chloe and Phoebe

    • ginidietrich

      @SocialMediaDDS “Occupy entire pieces of furniture while we sit on the floor.” THAT is so true! LOL!!

      • jenzings

        @ginidietrich @SocialMediaDDS Yes, our little Miss Coco is all about “Occupy the Couch.”

        • @jenzings @ginidietrich@SocialMediaDDS Bailey is a total couch hog.

        • @jasonkonopinski @jenzings @ginidietrich How about the immovable, snoring, furry floor mats that we have to negotiate as we walk through our homes? Even my throw rugs move more than my girls….

        • @SocialMediaDDS @jenzings@ginidietrich The B Man does the flop right in the middle of the kitchen floor, otherwise he’s zonked out on the couch.

        • ginidietrich

          @jasonkonopinski @SocialMediaDDS@jenzings We need @Lisa Gerber to post a picture of Jackson as the living room rug. It’s SO FUNNY

        • @ginidietrich @jasonkonopinski @SocialMediaDDS @jenzings @Lisa Gerber HAHAHA! we joke about not needing more than one rug in our house. Our rug moves to whatever room we happen to be in. So I have him as the kitchen rug, then the living room rug. But I can’t post a photo here!

        • @Lisa Gerber @ginidietrich @SocialMediaDDS @jenzings Pfft. Sure, you can. 😉

          Some dogs sleep IN their beds – and then, there’s Bailey:

        • @jasonkonopinski @ginidietrich @SocialMediaDDS@jenzings oh for crying out loud. Of course. BAILEY IS SO CUTE!!! Ok, mine will be here soon. I’m actually trying to do some work over here.

        • @Lisa Gerber @ginidietrich @SocialMediaDDS@jenzings On Gini’s birthday? I’m pretty sure that’s a violation of some kind.

        • @jasonkonopinski @ginidietrich @SocialMediaDDS

          OK, Here’s the kitchen rug

        • @jasonkonopinski @ginidietrich@SocialMediaDDS And that’s not all! this rug MOVES to the room in which you are located, forever providing you with a rug: Living room rug:

        • @Lisa Gerber @jasonkonopinski @ginidietrich@SocialMediaDDS Nice. Shadow has never been allowed on the furniture, until we found out he was sick. So now we’re supposed to pamper him. Suddenly both the couch and bed are his. Not fun.

          His most annoying quality is that he has dry skin, and he’s learned that he is tall enough that he can walk under the dining room table to scratch his back. And he’ll move back and forth, scratching it, taking the table with him. Not fun at meals with full glasses of milk on the table.

        • @Lisa Gerber @jasonkonopinski @ginidietrich hahaha….that’s a riot!! He’s HUGE…yea, it’s hard to be graceful in THAT kitchen. Invariably one of mine is lying right under the oven door and the other one is lying right under the dishwasher door (or refrigerator door) and they don’t budge….I have gently slid them across the floor so that I can access whatever door I need to open. They just sigh and I’m pretty sure I catch them rolling their eyes….

        • @KenMueller @Lisa Gerber @jasonkonopinski @ginidietrich I had mixed emotions with this comment…I want to laugh at the imagery of Shadow scratching his back on the underside of the dining room table and taking the contents with him but, on the other hand, your baby is sick….:-( I hate to hear about sick dogs….I’m sorry….It’s so nice that you let him snuggle with you….

        • belllindsay

          @Lisa Gerber @jasonkonopinski @ginidietrich @SocialMediaDDS Beautiful rug. Gorgeous kitchen!! #kitchenenvy

        • @belllindsay @Lisa Gerber @ginidietrich @SocialMediaDDS The B-Man tucks himself in. Smart little bugger.

    • @SocialMediaDDS Dogs are superior which is why in my next life I am going to come back as one.

      • @TheJackB I am more specific than that….I always say that I want to come back as MY dog….;-)

      • belllindsay

        @TheJackB@SocialMediaDDS Oh Jack. Wiiiide open….!! 😉

        • @belllindsay @SocialMediaDDS Isn’t that how life is supposed to be lived, wide open.

        • belllindsay

          @TheJackB @SocialMediaDDS Into the great wide open, even. In the immortal words of Tom Petty. Also known as “the man who will one day come to his senses and marry me”. #rebelwithoutaclue

        • @belllindsay@SocialMediaDDS I used to occasionally see Mr. Petty around town. Man used to live in the San Fernando Valley in my old hometown.

          If I happen to run across him I’ll let him know that he is shirking his responsibilities.

        • belllindsay

          @TheJackB @SocialMediaDDS **shiver** (BTW my husband is aware that I will leave him when Mr. Petty comes a’ calling)

        • @belllindsay @TheJackB @SocialMediaDDS He’s your hall pass!!!

        • belllindsay

          @Lisa Gerber @TheJackB @SocialMediaDDS HAHAHA! Exactly! 😀

  • HA!!! That was awesome!! Have a awesome day, Gini! Enjoy your birthday present…SNOW!!! 🙂

    • ginidietrich

      @sydcon_mktg You are cracking me up! Have you hit every social network now?

      • @ginidietrich LOL!! Well, why not? Gotta make sure all grounds are covered, right?

  • Well done with your post, Jack! My dog, Bailey, was all set to respond (she too is very concerned about time-to-treat ratios), but she was running late for her appointments at doggie day care. She sends her best.

    Hope you have a super fantastic birthday, Gini!!!!

    • ginidietrich

      @lauraclick Oh! We know how important camp is. Move along.

  • HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! xoxoxoxo

    • ginidietrich

      @Lisa Gerber THANK YOU!!! xoxox

  • jenzings

    Happiest of birthdays, Gini!

    • ginidietrich

      @jenzings Thank you! And thanks for all your smart comments here. It’s making me smarter.

  • John_Trader1

    Happy birthday to a person who is smart, witty, and funny and reminds me a lot of myself. Hope today is magical!

    • ginidietrich

      @John_Trader1 LMAO!!! That was awesome!

  • Happy birthday, Gini! You are so lucky to have such a talented family. Charlie is too exhausted after her walk at the lake this morning to wish anyone a happy birthday, let alone inspire a blog post. If she were awake right now I know she’d want you to give Jack B a long ear scratch for us.

    • ginidietrich

      @Shelley Pringle Let Charlie know a long ear scratch is coming right up! He’s sleeping here on my feet.

  • DonovanGroupInc

    H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S. Happy brithday Mrs. D.

    • ginidietrich

      @DonovanGroupInc Thanks BFF!

  • trontastic

    Hi Jack, my humans calls me Yankee (or Bonk because I like to run head-first into stuff), I’m a 5 month old yellow lab. One of my humans read this to me and I wanted to agree that Dogbook is full of fakes. Rumor has it, the cat down my street is pretending to be a lab in order to lure unsuspecting pups into her layer of EVIL. Anyway, my human is getting tired of typing now so wish your mom a happy birthday and nice meeting you.

    • ginidietrich

      @trontastic Hi Bonk. Jack is sleeping right now (too much excitement this morning), but I’ll be sure to let him know you stopped by. Tell your dad thanks from me!

    • belllindsay

      @trontastic That might be my cat. #BitchyBubbles

  • Happy birthday smarty. I’ll keep the name calling to a minimum today. After all it’s your special day.

    • ginidietrich

      @Sean McGinnis Oh you’re so nice to me. Thank you.

  • Leon

    Some ladies I know would be judgin’

    That birthday cheers from a curmudgeon

    Would mean riotous fun

    Overwhelmed everyone

    And embrace them without any fudgin’

    Just anniverse all over the place Gini,


    • ginidietrich

      @Leon #thatwasawesome

  • Happy Birthday, Gini! Just wanted to say thank you for… you. You are amazing!

    • ginidietrich

      @Faryna Thanks Stan! It’s been fun getting to know you on this thing called the web!

  • rustyspeidel


    • ginidietrich

      @rustyspeidel Damn dog.

      • @ginidietrich @rustyspeidel EPPPPPIC!!!!!

  • PattiRoseKnight

    No cupcakes for your Mr. Bauer (but I may sneak you a doggie treat but don’t rat me out) but I must agree that you are the true alpha male and yes your mom and dad deserve a ton of thanks for picking the most handsome dog in the whole world to be their very own.

    • ginidietrich

      @PattiRoseKnight He would never rat you out. Why do you think you’re his favorite?

  • MSchechter

    Ummm… treat-to-time ratio is awesome. Sounds like Jack could join my dog Ammey’s startup. Ammey’s We Lick Em Clean Plate Cleaning Service. If you’re not happy with the first plate, she will gladly lick another plate clean at no charge.

    Happy Birthday Gini, like Jack, we’re all luck to have you open your home, your heart and your kitchen cabinets/trash cans/dirty laundry baskets to us (although to be honest, you could spare the rest of us that last bit).

    Have a great one!

    • ginidietrich

      @MSchechter Ammey knows what’s going on! Does she also clean the kitchen floor?

      • MSchechter

        @ginidietrich That would be her super secret startup business, the Dogba

  • How sweet of Jack to write this nice post! I didnt realize what a funny guy he is 🙂 Have a very happy birthday Gini!

    • ginidietrich

      @C_Pappas Nor did you know he was creative or that he actually knows it’s my birthday!

  • I love this post!

    • ginidietrich

      @Erin F. LOL! I have a very creative husband (er, dog)

  • Hey Jack, seems like Mr. D did a great job putting all your thoughts in human words; let him be the Alpha Male for the day; make it your mommy’s b’day present!

    Happy Birthday to the Mommy in House! 🙂

  • AbbieF

    @VivaDog is a bit busy right now at the spa, but she asked me to respond for her and tell you to tell your mom happy birthday.

    • ginidietrich

      @AbbieF@vivadog Thanks Viva! I’ll tell her. And you should come visit me with your mom sometime.

  • belllindsay

    My goddamn cats better write me a post tomorrow.

    • @belllindsay Yes, my birthday is a far away; but I have high expectations from my cat.

      • belllindsay

        @Hajra Two cats. Two computers. There better be TWO posts. 😉

        • @belllindsay That’s just too much pressure for them you see. And you need a Mr. to put that into human words… I don’t have one of those 🙁

        • belllindsay

          @Hajra I’m doomed. And so are my cats. My Mr. is a plumber. 😉

    • ginidietrich

      @belllindsay This comment has been made famous via inside_pr

      • belllindsay

        @ginidietrichinside_pr I’m not sure what this means, but it *sounds* good! 😀

  • markjcoker

    @ginidietrich Tell Jack that was a great post. You should have him on more often. The bad news is now our lab wants to write a post. It’s been killing me trying to find a keyboard with REALLY BIG keys. Can you provide help here?

    • ginidietrich

      @markjcoker I think you might have to type for him. In the meantime, I’ll have Jack Bauer start developing one for you.

  • JoyFull_deb

    Jack is an extremely talented writer, errrr, dictator in this case. Mr. D is the talented typist 🙂

    You know I love JB, so this was a real treat to read. ….however, I love YOU to the moon & back. That said, “Happy…happy birthday, Top Chef !!” You are one in a gazillion. And, let JB have at least one cupcake. xoxo

    • ginidietrich

      @JoyFull_deb There were no cupcakes for either one of us. We have to watch our girlish figures. But there was wine. Lots of wine. xoxox

  • Hey Jack, we met once before and you were great to hang out with. You greeted me with a wagging tail and were lounging in the sun, showing us all how life should be lived.

    Take good care of @ginidietrich night, and make sure she get’s to relax this weekend – show her the good life.

    • ginidietrich

      @jennalanger Jack Bauer wanted me to tell you, “Gini had a great birthday. I bought her a gift card to Free People. I don’t know why it’s called that because they don’t have any people prisoners in there. Unless those faceless bodies count…”

  • HLeichsenring

    my name is Fenya and I am a 9 month old mix of Labrador and German Sheppard. I told my (so called) boss to write this for me, because my paws did not match with the keyboard.

    I just wanted to say “Hello” to Jack Bauer and wish him a Happy Birthday. Unfortunately I am too far away to come along and say this in person. But never mind, if some day these things from Startreck works, I will be able to make some easy visits abroad.

    A smile from Germany


    • ginidietrich

      @HLeichsenring Dear Fenya, I hope one day we can meet in person. My mom tells me I’m too big to fly on the plane, but my dad flies and he’s bigger than me. We’ll figure out a way! Much love, Jack Bauer

      • HLeichsenring

        Hi Jack. Would be great. So far I left a pic of myself on your FB Page


  • write4unj

    Belated Happy Birthday, Gini!! (As my MIL’s 90th birthday was the same day, we were caught up in a weekend of celebration, which is why I’m only now reading e-mails.) JB is lucky to have such a wonderful mom (and it sounds like he has a pretty good dad too). I hope you had a wonderful day! (And that JB got to enjoy at least one cupcake.)

    • ginidietrich

      @write4unj Thank you!! A 90th birthday party?! WOW!! Good for her!

  • NancyCawleyJean

    Love, love, LOVE Jack Bauer’s first post! All dog lovers should read this, and I’ll be sure to read this to my own spoiled pup, Phoebe. And by the way, miss, I’m embarrassed that I missed your birthday, so here it is… HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope it was fantastic!!!

    • ginidietrich

      @NancyCawleyJean Please…no reason to be embarrassed unless you live with me! xoxo

  • feliciahudson

    Happy belated birthday, Gini! As an “auntie” to a few canine honeys, I LOVE this post. If you’re reading this, Jack, you are one lucky hound. It sounds like you have a fabulous life.

    • ginidietrich

      @feliciahudson He DOES have a fabulous life. Maybe one day you’ll meet him. And steal your heart.

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