Your Bad Mood Is As Contagious As the Common Cold
I got cross-country skis for my birthday. For those who know me well, you know I am an avid cyclist. During season, I ride about 300 miles a week. I love my bike. But during the winters, which are really long here in Chicago, I’m stuck on a trainer. In the basement. Not moving for an hour or more. Watching sitcom after sitcom on DVR, hoping to keep my mind from the mundane exercise that keeps me in shape for next season. Last year, my friend Jeff Lipschultz jokingly referred to my bike as Kennedy (after the Kennedy freeway in Chicago) - you get on, but you don’t move.
So being able to be outside, in Chicago, in the wintertime is huge for me. I don’t care if it’s 20 below and gray. If I’m outside, bundled up, and exercising, I’m pretty happy. And cross-country skiing is excellent training for the bike (and downhill skiing when I get the chance to go home).
Last Saturday, Jack Bauer and I took the skis to the lakefront to try them out. Well, I skied…he marked everything as his. While there were a lot of people out jogging on the path (it hit 30 degrees last weekend and you’d have thought it was beach weather), no one was right on the beach where there was plenty of snow to ski.
So I let Jack off his leash while I tried to figure out the magnificence that everyone talks about while gliding (it’s not easy). About an hour into our adventure, we came across a couple who clearly didn’t like dogs. So I skied up, said a bright good morning to them, and moved Jack out of their way.
And that’s when it happened. The woman, with a sour look on her face, turned to me and said, “Your dog should be on a leash.” To which I apologized and said yes, he should, but they were the only people I’d seen in an hour and he was having a ball so I didn’t think anything was wrong with it. But that I’d be happy to put him on a leash until they were out of sight
She went off on me. Screaming and yelling about how there are rules for a reason and blah, blah, blah. So I brightly said, “I’m sorry! Have a great morning!”, put Jack on his leash, and went the opposite direction. She was still yelling at me as I skied away.
My magnificent day turned quickly from bright, shiny happiness to a “what the heck is wrong with this world” attitude.
One woman. One encounter. Just like that. Changed my mood.
And you know what’s interesting about that? Emotions, like a cold or the flu, are contagious. She took her bad mood out on me and, try as I did, she changed my mood, too.
There is a new study from the University of Michigan called the “Collective Construction of Work Group Moods,” that studies exactly that – how moods and emotions affect culture and morale.
This is particularly important for leaders to understand – the way you feel sets the mood for the entire office. If you’re a leader who screams, yells, and nit picks every, little thing, do you think your direct reports won’t behave the same way with their direct reports?
I know there are days I have to self-talk: Don’t be in a bad mood at work today. Don’t be in a bad mood at work today. It always works. Sure, I may have something come up during the day that puts me in a bad mood (hello this past Monday), but I still self-talk: You can vent about this or talk to the team about it, but do not let it change your mood.
The good news is that positive emotions are just as contagious as bad ones.
So what’s the solution? We all have bad days. We all have bad moods.
The study suggests knowing your emotions, be in touch with your mood, and think of it like the common cold. If your mood is bad, you’re going to affect everyone around you. But if your mood is good, you’re also going to affect everyone around you.
As my mom sings, “If you change to meet a frown, do not let it stay. Quickly turn it upside down and smile that frown away.”
How does your mood affect others?http://www.spinsucks.com/entrepreneur/your-bad-mood-is-as-contagious-as-the-common-cold/
RT @LadySlomski: Wonderful post on emotions being contagious. A good, quick read if you're into #Leadership or energy influence: http://bit.ly/hgJSgi
Wonderful post on emotions being contagious. A good, quick read if you're into #Leadership or energy influence: http://bit.ly/hgJSgi
So Sorry that your fun outing took that turn! you were WAY nicer to her than I would have been!
I would have apologized like you did about the leash, but when she went off again, I would have done the 'stop hand' gesture and the attitude would have come out - I wonder if the husband was cringing??
Anyway - I completely agree with the rest of the post - I'm a people watcher and an introvert - but I've noticed when I make an effort to be nice, engaged and upbeat - that is what I get in return... amazing isn't it :)
RandomShelly I just had this vision of you putting up your hand and that made me laugh really hard!
The lady is definitely a Sensate Judger. Not her fault. It's nature vs nurture here. But I can't stand em and they make up over 40% of the world population. They can't think outside the box. They need structure and rules. And then they are miserable because they feel trapped. My Dad is a nice guy but he is one.
So next time you encounter just one like this out of a 100 people you meet just think 39 of them luckily were having a great day! =) I spent half my life observing happy people and bitter people hoping to be happy in life and learning from the bitter ones. Not sure its nurture anymore especially after dating a psychologist for 2 years and a Typologist for a 6 months (never again either!)
But very good advice Ms. Gini!
HowieSPM I wish I had you around. You could have told her off for me!
I think you should get JB a "Mean People Suck" t-shirt to wear while you are running.
hackmanj This made me laugh so hard! Such a good idea!!
This was a great post, Gini. Although I'm sorry you had to deal with such a horrible situation, I'm sure glad it inspired you to write this post! Moos are absolutely contagious and the power behind it is something most people overlook. The ability to change someones mood is amazing, and we all have it in us - all it takes is the right mindset and the desire to spread positivity.
"The good news is that positive emotions are just as contagious as bad ones."
This is true, but I wanted to add something: the power of positivity trumps the power of negativity. Although negative attitudes are much more common and easier to fall into, positivity is a much stronger force and has the potential to do amazing things.
Thanks again for the post and good luck with your cross-country skiing!
JonHearty Thanks Jon! Did you get a bike??
Hi, Gini! I loved the picture you painted of you on your skiis just enjoying life and Jack marking everything.
Unfortunately for you, I think this person had more than just a bad mood. I say this because in my experience when someone in a bad mood meets someone so amenable and friendly as you are and were that day, it tends to diffuse their ill tempered state. That didn't happen. Therefore, either she was going through some really negative experience prior to meeting with you or she is perhaps one of those truly and terribly unhappy people that we sometimes have the misfortune to come across.
In any event, I'm sorry that she deflated you that day. But, I hope you know how very happy you made those who read your posts see that even in that terrible situation you are the same gracious, gregarious and lovely person that we see on Twitter and elsewhere. No matter who we encounter, it is the memory of our own behavior in such a situation that we have to live with in the end.
PS...I got snowshoes for my birthday. If you come to Maine we'll go for a snowshoe and xcountry ski adventure...Jack would love it!!!
VIVAssistants I AM COMING TO VISIT! That would be so fun!! And, even though I'm vegetarian, I'd cheat (after 10 years!) for some clam chowder off the side of the road and a lobster!
And I could tell you were really looking forward to you ski day..........I would have thrown a snowball at her and yelled 'catch me if you can' as you are skiing away; that would have changed your mood back and given you an adrenalin rush too.
I'm that guy that smiles too much sometimes; people ask 'what are you so happy about'. It's not that I am always hilariously happy, but if I smile it keeps me in a good mood and typically you will get a smile back. Sometimes this will turn a sourpuss and if it doesn't I won't stay engaged with them too long.
I never take myself too seriously and need to be careful at times not to say something innapropriate at the wrong time, but I think this attitude is why people like to be around me; I'm sure annoying at times but probably not a repellent.
Some people are just not happy people and never will be; I'm too simple to let them bring me down as I will still find something humorous in the encounter and just get on down the road.
Just say 'no' to grumps............
bdorman264 Just say no and keep smiling! It's so important that we not take ourselves too seriously. I mean, we're all just people trying to get by, right?
So true. I choose to be a "glass-half-full" kinda girl... to the annoyance of some "glass-half-empty" types. Oh well... whatever :)
I hope you enjoyed your gliding on the snow regardless of Ms. Crankety-crotchety.
CristerDelaCruz I was actually hoping I'd see you out there so you could show me what I was doing wrong!
I'm doing a work placement with an organization that is very sadly reducing its staff by half (I'm sponsored by my university). I've noticed that the first person to mention their situation sets the tone for the day. If it's negative, the whole office has a "bad" day, if it's optimistic, then it's a "good" day. The trick is trying to say something positive right away. If someone brings in food it also lifts spirits. So maybe the lady just needed some lunch?
Whitney Punchak LOL!! Maybe I should have offered her a dog treat.
Whitney Punchak Or a cupcake ;)
rachaelseda Whitney Punchak OR A CUPCAKE!!
UGH, is this so TRUE!!!! First off, how anyone cannot just love sweet JB is totally beyond me! Big dog or not, he is a sweetie!
Anyway on to your topic at hand. I really can't stand when some sour grapes individual ruins my day! You are right it is so contagious. As you know, my son plays hockey. Hockey season is LONG! Hockey teams become like a family (that like our real families we can't pick) seeing each other 5+ days a week. Well in his previous 5 seasons playing we always had fun. But let me tell you, this season, not so much. Why not you ask? We have 1 kid who makes all the other kids crazy and that 1 kid has crazy parents. This 1 family ruins every trip to the rink, every tournament, every game, you name it. How can 1 out of 15 do that? Because like you said its contagious!
I think the best solution is to try to rise above, but that is so hard! In reading your reply to this couple, and having gotten to know your personality I can say you tried to do just that, by smiling and going on your way. But sometimes it is like the common cold, you can wash your hands, cover your mouth, etc....but that damn cold still finds you in the end! ARGH!!! Hopefully a vaccine can be found to combat it!
Unfortunately, I think people like you encountered on the beach are changing the world and not for the better. So many people these days are only thinking of themselves, rude, no morals, which is why I think we are where we are as a country. I am trying to combat that by teaching my kids to think of others and not be that sour grapes person. Sure everyone is entitled to have a bad day...but in our house when you are having one of those...you go to your room! Thats what we need...a designated time out spot to send o that contagious sour pusses too! ;)
sydcon_mktg It's the bad apple thing. We had an employee who did really good work. I mean, if you wanted the front page of the NY Times or 5,000 people at your event, she could do it. It took a long time for me to hear it, but I eventually started hearing grumblings about how mean she was to her colleagues. So I started listening in on team meetings. And reading her email exchanges. It was bad. I fired her. You would not believe the morale shift, overnight. I could visibly see it.
Too bad you can't fire the hockey family.
Ironic you wrote this today, because on my way to work I was cut-off by a driver that clearly had some road rage. Not only was I cut-off I mean I truly almost hit the guy. I honked because as I slammed my breaks and for a quarter mile (even though I was not on his tail) he proceeded to slam on his breaks on a 55mph road. It was absolutely insane, my blood was boiling and my heart racing. I was almost at work, my day had hardly begun and it could've quickly been ruined by this driver. But I was determined not to let it, I reminded myself that if I did, he won. So I kept trying to calm myself and forget about it.
For me, it's a good reminder to remember not to treat others that way because your right your bad mood does affect everyone else around you. Second, it's also a good reminder to try not to get caught up in someone else's hatefulness because that's what they want. People that are miserable want to bring everyone else down. We have a choice no matter what the circumstances. Today I chose to shake it off (although it took a goof 30 minutes) and continue a new day.
Additionally, I have worked with people whose attitudes were so negative that it brought the whole morale down, worse off they got away with it because they worked longer hours than anyone else and would get everything done last minute for anyone. Unfortunately, they chose to do this and then would complain, be a martyr and be angy about it which brought everyone's morale down. What I'm thankful for is these people inadvertently taught me to set work/ life boundaries and reminded me of what I didn't want to be in life.
The mood of those around you is definitely contagious, we all have good days and bad days but we also have a choice in the matter and I think that's an important thing to keep in mind...whether we are the one in a bad mood or the one who happened to be in the path of a "bad mooder" ( I just made that up haha).
Ok now that I could've written a blog post of my own...I think I will end here.
rachaelseda Interesting that someone would help last minute and work late, but be a martyr about it. I worked with a woman right out of school who behaved that way. We all snickered every time she walked by our cubes. And we thought it was pretty funny that she wasn't married by 30 and spent all complaining that she'd never get married. Jee. I wonder why?
ginidietrich Ha yes seriously! The thing is no matter how much work you can pump out...if you are difficult to be around for everyone and difficult to work with...well guess what, to me your not worth risking everyone's morale!
And for all those dog haters...go home if you don't want to share mother earth with a sweet old pup just minding their own business and enjoying what mother nature gave us ALL. ;)
Good one Gini... reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll. While be interviewed on 60 Minutes he talked about his upbeat attitude and said, "I keep thinking day-to-day something good's just about to happen." You want to see what a positive leader looks like? Watch the story... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-wIAL0Dfsw
The piece is about leadership... not football. It runs about 13 minutes, but it's well worth the look.
--Tony Gnau
T60Productions I can't wait to watch this - thank you! I'm a big fan of leadership lessons through sports.
ginidietrich I'm an 'SC grad and Pete is the best. He got so much out of his young men. You'll love the story.
--Tony Gnau
I agree; bad moods are definitely contagious! It only takes a patient zero to start the bad mood, but next thing you know the mood's taking the community by storm, and sometimes a good mood isn't as contagious when a bad mood has taken over.
Sushi Great point about a good mood not being contagious when the bad mood has taken over. We'll just call them Scrooges.
Bravo, Gini! This is a message that can never be emphasized enough. And boo on all the bah-humbugs and blue meanies out there in the world who not only can't find a reason to smile, but who seem intent on ruining everybody else's day.
RogerFriedensen Yeah! Bah humbug to the blue meanies! LOL!
Put your !#$%$# dog on a leash and this won't happen! :)
Sounds like you did everything you could to ease and rectify the situation. Last weekend, my daughter performed at Disneyland with a high school all-star jazz band. The sun was shining, the kids put on a brilliant performance and all was well with the world...until it was time to pick up instruments at the drop off point out in the parking lot. We were approximately 20 minutes late to the drop off spot because I decided to score some food on our way out and the line moved much slower than anticipated. When we got to the spot, we discovered we were last to pick up an instrument. The band manager was not pleased and let my daughter know it. I can understand his irritation because, just as you were technically wrong to unleash JB, my daughter and I were technically late to pick up the instrument. However, he went overboard, in my opinion. We were stunned. I had a few choice things to say at the tip of my tougue, but I kept my cool, we both apologized, and moved on. However, It messed up our afternoons a little. My daughter and I discussed it the whole way home. It was only because she had another huge perforance with her school that evening that we were forced to focus on the next event. He could have handled the situation much better, delivered his message, received sincere apologies from us, and any lingering foulness could have been snuffed right there. The truth is that my daughter has performed with this band for the last three years and in prior years we were at the pickup spot on time only to have the truck show up late. I didn't remind the dude of this, but I had that statement at the ready.
Because I am sensitive to other's moods, I believe this helps me to check my own mood as much as possible. I understand how my mood can affect others, especially in my leadership and parenthood roles. Now, when I walk into the office after an unpleasant journey through LA traffic and someone hits me up with a question or issue before I've even made my way to my desk, I don't sigh, roll my eyes and say something like, "does it look like I'm ready to deal with your petty little issue?" I'm learning.
KevinVandever Kev, shame on you!! :) To ChristieHyde point, how people's moods affect us should always be an inward look. Mr. D handles this really well - he always just apologizes and takes responsibility. It's really hard to do.
ginidietrich KevinVandever ChristieHyde I agree! We have to look inward. Often times it's as much where we are mood wise as it is the person giving us sourness. I just had a 360 review done on me by peers, subordinates, and business partners and I scored very well in areas around this topic: attitude, approachability, humor, tolerence, compassion, composure, listening, etc. I do my best to stay on top of these areas and take it very seriously -- I know, I do actually take something seriously :)
KevinVandever BTW. I'm pretty sure you still owe me some wine.
I completely agree that bad moods are contagious. But how you immediately looked outward at this woman instead of inward at your own behavior is what really struck me. Leaders also need to look inward when something goes wrong to figure out why rather than immediately looking outward to blame others. Leaders should also lead their team by example. Is the example "it's ok to break the rule if I don't think anyone is looking?" I explain here - http://www.facebook.com/#!/notes/christie-hyde/bad-moods-are-contageous-but-so-is-looking-outward-instead-of-inward/10150099443243070
ChristieHyde Interesting - and I ALWAYS look inward at work. I don't know why this woman got to me. Probably because I was breaking the law by not having Jack on a leash and she called me out on it.
Ah, Gini...you're singing my song! I can't wait to dig into the role of leaders in shaping emotional culture as part of my breakout session at the Counselor's Academy in Las Vegas. The relationships we share--whether in day to day interaction at work; or a passing moment on a wintery beach--have a tremendous impact on our productivity and our sense of personal well being. It's hard to teflon coat our spirits to keep negative moments like the one you described from weighing us down as we move forward. (Especially if one is trying to move forward on unfamiliar skis with a large and exuberant dog in tow!)
I just deleted two paragraphs full of advice about how to handle those moments...there is a limit to how many Mimisms should appear in one comment! You may have just provided the perfect writer's prompt for an upcoming blommin' blog post! Thanks!!
MimiMeredith WHAT?! I didn't know you're speaking at CA!! YAY!!!!!!!!! Finally that wine you owe me. Bwahahaha!
It's not easy to do. At all. But if we learn to choose our attitude (as KristenDaukas says) and we understand we're infecting people as if we have a common cold, it might make things a bit easier.
Can't wait to see your blog post!
So I was wondering how I got to be your BFF if you were skiing with Kiefer.
Anyhow..one of the first corporate jobs I had was with AmEx here in NC. The VP of the call center that I worked at was wheelchair bound and he came in and gave this amazing speech that I remember to this day. He talked about how it would be easy for him to wake up, mad at the world that he couldn't walk but he didn't because he had a choice. And every morning he was presented with this choice. He could choose to be angry and bitter over something that he had absolutely no control over or he could choose to make it a good day. But, in the end - it was a CHOICE how he lived his life. It was a great speech because as customer service reps for AmEx, we were going to be chewed out quite a bit and we would need that dose of "choose your attitude" on more than one occasion.
I've carried it with me and try to instill that attitude with my girls. I've also stopped letting people like your beach comber get away with treating people like crap... if someone is letting loose on the poor kid behind the donut counter, I'm going to say something. Take your bad mood someplace else. And if it's me? I try to fake it til I make it.. amazing if you fake being in a good mood, you'll eventually get at least halfway there.
KristenDaukas Yo uonly want to be my BFF if I'm skiing with Kiefer?! Bah. Humbug. :)
This is such a great story! Now I wish you'd written this blog post instead of me because it's so good.
ginidietrich No, but man... wouldn't that be the icing on the cake?
KristenDaukas Yes, it would. LOL!
I used to work where we had 8 a.m. meetings every day, and the woman in charge would sit down and announce her mood to everyone, i.e., "I'm in a bad mood today so let's start". Geez - what a bummer.
SusanHart LOL!! Oh I cannot wait to see you! I'm totally going to do that.
You know what I find ironic in this whole story? (and for the record, I'm using the word ironic properly here) that dogs do a TON to make us happier people. It just shows that your lady on the park might do well to get herself a dog.
Anyway, what a great idea for a blog post!! I'm the type of person who totally absorbs the emotions around me so I'm easily exhausted by people who are takers emotionally. Sometimes I have to tell myself to "turn off" and just let it roll.
Regarding controlling our emotions - of course, we can't always control them, but I love that the study tells you to be in touch with your emotions. its very Buddhist of them. : ) to be aware of being in a bad mood and telling yourself, "i'm in a bad mood and it will pass" really does wonders. it really does work.
lisagerber And observe how are our moods affect our decisions. I agree it works Lisa, not always easy though.
John Falchetto lisagerber It's not always easy, which is why sometimes it's better to let it pass before moving ahead. Maybe ride that bike, watch some bad TV, play with a pet, call a friend, do something to "turn off."









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