Things to Do While the Boss is On VacationBy Eleanor Pierce

I don’t know if y’all heard, but the boss is on vacation right now.

Like, a real-live, bona-fide vacation. The kind where she swears up and down in advance that she won’t be checking email while she’s away.

I’m writing this in advance, so I can’t yet tell you whether Gini Dietrich is being successful in refraining from checking in on us.

I think she will. And I know she deserves the time off—after all, she puts up with The Petro allllll year long.

Oh, did I mention that Laura is also on vacation?

So do you know what that means? Lindsay and I are in charge. (Well, Hank Dawge also has important duties. But mostly it’s me and Lindsay.)

While the Boss is Away

So, what are we to do while the boss is on vacation?

I know in some offices, when the boss is on vacation, it’s time to slack off. Rolling in to work late. Relaxing the dress code. But there are a few limitations on the fun you can have while the boss is on vacation when you work in a remote office.

We already get to work in our pajamas (or less, if we feel like it). There’s no one to complain about it if we reheat fish in the lunchroom, except our own families.

And, honestly, we already work somewhere that it’s OK to do things like this.

(Or, OK enough anyhow. I’m pretty sure Lindsay hardly got fired for that one.)

While the Cat is Away

Unfortunately, we can’t suspend Gini’s stapler in a bowl of Jell-O. Nor can we gift-wrap everything on her desk. Or turn her computer’s default language setting to Portuguese (not without Mr. D’s help, anyway). We can’t even set Laura’s treadmill desk to only run in reverse.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t have any fun. Here’s where we’ve started:

  1. I went ahead and ordered a new plaque and business cards for myself, to reflect my new title: Eleanor Pierce, Czarina of Stuff and Bequeather of Letters and Titles.
  2. Promoted Hank Dawge to Chief Barquisition Agent, Esq. Unfortunately, this means a bit of a demotion for the pizza thief otherwise known as Jack Bauer. Jack is now a Junior Canine Associate. Hank’s duties include chewing, slobbering, and, obviously, barking. He’s a strong negotiator, though, and so his contract clearly outlines that he will not be fetching any newspapers. (I guess he prefers new media?)
  3. Lindsay, too, has a new title. No longer Intern, she will now answer to Empress of All Things.
  4. We re-wrote the editorial calendar for 2015. Well, I did—I don’t know if the Empress has seen it yet. She may be taking a nap right now. Regardless: Instead of the Spin Sucks Inquisition and Gin and Topics on Fridays, we will now have the “Spin Sucks Recipe Exchange” and “Gin and More Gin; Shaken, Hold the Topics.”
  5. I’ve also begun planning our Arment Dietrich Spring Break 2015: Cancun. I’ve been working on making contact with Eric Nies, so if any of you have any connections to his team, please pass them along. Also, I hope all you Crazies are practicing your talents—it’s more heavily weighted in the Spin Sucks Spring Break Crazy Pageant than the swimsuit competition.

We still have a little more time left to play while the cat’s away. So if you have any recommendations on what we should do while the boss is out, share them!

Eleanor Pierce

Eleanor Pierce is a recovering journalist who can't decide which part of the country to call home. She's happiest when she's reading, though she also really likes writing, baking, dogs, and sarcasm. No, seriously.

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