When I worked for the ad agency many years ago, I spent a lot of time on the road, traveling with a client.
Part of my job was to communicate with corn and soybean growers and I loved being out in the field working with them.
To this day, I can walk out into a field and tell you which weeds are growing there and how to control them.
It’s quite a talent that I only pull out during dinner parties these days.
I also didn’t mind the travel. I was young and single and I was seeing the world.
Except…my married with children client had a big, ol’ crush on me and was completely and wholeheartedly inappropriate.
I did my best to manage it, but one night, in Modesto, California, that all changed.
He’d had too much to drink and cornered me in the bar.
I did my best not to hurt his feelings (I certainly didn’t want to be the reason we lost the agency’s biggest client), but I also was scared.
I managed to get out of the bar and up to my room…alone.
Until he came to my room and started banging on the door.
I was a hostage in my hotel room and I had to call security to have them escort him back to his own room.
When I got back home, I scheduled a meeting with the agency’s CEO to tell him about it and to tell him I was scared to travel alone with the client.
He said to me:
They’re our largest client. Don’t you think you can manage around this?
I quit my job a few weeks later.
Sexism is Alive and Well at PRSA Conference
One would think, in the last 11 years, sexism has changed.
But as Voldemort proved with his comment to Billy Bush about being able to grab women, nothing has changed.
Yesterday, at the PRSA International conference, Theresa Payton, the former CIO for the second President Bush, spoke on cybersecurity.
Though I missed her keynote (I was still on a plane traveling here), Martin Waxman has a great recap on next week’s Inside PR.
He said, what he liked best about her speech, was the idea that—in about 20 minutes—you can find anyone using geolocation and their social media accounts.
He said she opened his eyes to how careful we need to be, and what we should be prepared to discuss with our clients or bosses surrounding cybersecurity.
If last week’s DDoS attack taught us anything, it’s to be prepared.
Theresa Payton repeated that message: Be prepared.
But someone else in the audience apparently liked something else about her speech.
Yes, you read that correctly.
An APR-certified professional communicator tweeted that he was distracted by what one of the smartest women on cybersecurity was wearing.
While at a PR conference.
I mean, the irony of it all.
(In fairness, he did later apologize for his tweet.)
So now we have to be prepared, not just for our websites being hacked, but for men making public lewd comments.
Sexism Extends to Professional Settings
And it just gets better.
I have a friend who is one of the smartest women I know.
She has a startup that is killing it and she’s doing everything exactly right.
Right now, she’s doing a round of funding and meeting with investors pretty much day and night.
As a client of my friend’s business, she often asks me if I will speak to her potential investors to tell them what I like (and don’t like) about the software.
I had one of those calls a couple of months ago and the man sang her praises.
He also asked me a bit about my business and made the comment that if my friend and I went into business together, we’d kill it.
I asked him why and he said:
There aren’t enough hot women in tech.
Truthfully, I didn’t think much about his comment until I asked my friend how her final meeting went with him last week.
She told me how they’d met for lunch, discussed how much he was going to invest, and when she could expect the check.
As they were leaving, he said to her:
Next time dress up a little (as he pushed his chest up to indicate she should push up her boobs). Maybe wear some fishnets and stilettos.
Needless to say, even though my friend really needs this round of funding, she’s going a different direction.
We Must Do Better
I could easily regale you with more stories about how inappropriate men have been in business throughout my career.
About the time a client was taking me to my hotel after dinner and tried to kiss me in his car.
When I told a trusted advisor about it, he said to me:
The problem with you is you have a naturally flirtatious nature. So men take it the wrong way all the time.
(He’s no longer a trusted advisor.)
I have four brothers. I love men.
Some of my very best friends are men.
I think I even have a pretty thick skin when it comes to sexism in the business place.
Heaven knows we’ve all had to get used to it during our careers.
But I’m not okay with what happened to my friend.
It’s not okay for a professional communicator to tweet what he did.
Heck, it’s not even okay for me to be blamed for my “naturally flirtatious nature.”
We have to do better.
I know for every story like the ones I’ve told you today, there are gazillions of men who behave appropriately and even get fired up to learn about this blatant sexism.
To you, I say: Please help us do better.
The current political climate has created such a strange simultaneous stream of the political and the …….. discussion of how men and women relate to one another. I appreciate you sharing these stories …. I’m betting almost every female reading this post has at least one of her own. I like the Awareness -> Understanding -> Action model when dealing with an entrenched problem and although change isn’t happening nearly fast enough (why ARE we still having THIS discussion with examples like the ones given HERE in 2016????), posts like this are an important step toward the awareness part.
I was just talking about this with a friend. We were talking about how this election has blurred the lines and made people feel comfortable saying things that just aren’t acceptable. This isn’t acceptable, no matter what.
UGH! Don’t you just want to go up to guys who do this kind of stuff and say ‘Grow up!’. When I see this kind of behavior I think – immature, insecure, ignorant, idiot and in this guy’s case – unprofessional. Seriously, as a professional, WHY would you even go there? And on social media of all places!?!
I’m curious why would you wear a shirt like that if you are concerned about sexism? Are women and men equally affected by provocative clothing?
What’s provocative about her top? And, besides that, “provocative” or not (it’s not), what right does anyone have to tell her how to dress?
I wonder whether this group would object if the speaker wore no clothes at all. This would be within her rights I would think. I can’t see the picture clearly, but modesty does not seem to be a part of it.
People like you should neither read nor comment on issues like this since you clearly don’t get it.
I’m not a fan of the cursing, but perhaps you should read this blog post to better understand why what you’re saying is wrong: http://dannybrown.me/2016/10/17/dear-fellow-men-get-fucking-angry/
I’m not a fan of taking something out of context because you can’t see a picture clearly. Come on, Joel. You’re living in the past – and totally missing Gini’s point.
Great post, Gini. The Danny Brown post is spot on too…and I love it with the cursing.
Thanks, Travis – not sure my grandma would approve of the cursing in the post, but hopefully she’d approve of the message. 🙂
“Modesty does not seem to be a part of it”? So, should be dressed in Victorian garb that covers everything except her head? Or should she simply stay in the kitchen?
And this is where women can’t win, period. They get taken to task for wearing an outfit like the one in the example, and are told to essentially “cover up”. And yet when women from a different culture wear hijabs, they’re told it’s offensive and oppressive?
Which is it? Simple answer – neither. It’s personal choice. And that should be respected, end of.
Women really can’t win.
First, I suggest not commenting if you can’t even see the picture clearly.
Second, it shouldn’t matter what a woman wears. Ever. If the outfit is distracting you from paying attention – in an academic setting, in a professional setting, in general – that says far, far more about you than it does about them. Period.
Joel, your comment right here is part of the problem. The speaker’s shirt is neither inappropriate or revealing. What this says is, “She deserved it because of the way she is dressed.” That is rape culture and sexist and it’s wrong.
This, right here, is exactly the reason why sexism is alive and well in 2016. When men walk barechested in the summer, no one says anything. But a woman dares show half an inch of skin (neck in this case), and you call it provocative? Seriously, what century do you live in?
So, Joel, which outfits are appropriate to heckle, and which are not? If the author of the Tweet was sending constructive ideas, then he did not effectively communicate – which would be ironic given his profession.
He mistakenly used his ‘outside voice.’
I think that as men, it’s tough for us to appreciate how women routinely are judged by their appearance and attire. Nobody says to me, “Your keynote was great, but your trousers should show more bulge.” (in the front – not the back – just saying).
This doesn’t mean you cannot say that someone looks nice. It doesn’t mean that you can’t say to a friend that one outfit is more flattering than another. But, publicly calling out anyone based on appearance with total disregard for their content is hardly constructive.
If one of my clients is considering Pete Codella, I’m not likely to recommend him based on how he handled THIS public relations opportunity. Thankfully, he only made himself look bad, not a client.
Gini – thanks for giving this matter the attention it deserves.
As a professional who eared the APR in 2004, I remain very proud of my accomplishment. Please note that the Accreditation program gauges the candidate’s mastery of the knowledge, skills and abilities to function as a true public relations strategist and ethical counselor. Perhaps the program needs to add guidance for professional communicators to refrain from distributing bone-headed communications.
“to function as a true public relations strategist and ethical counselor.” I think that’s why it makes it worse (in my mind). He’s held to a higher ethical standard.
Agreed, wholeheartedly. (But then, we agree on most things! Well, some.)
I saw his accreditation before I saw his name, and that makes me cringe.
We already have to tell people what the APR stands for (that’s a roadblock in itself), and this as the top story in our industry stings for EVERY PERSON holding the designation.
Regardless for what the program “gauges” or the person who has it – the accreditation gives off the perception that we are ethical and professional human beings. His actions were anything but ethical, professional OR human (the original comment and the apology).
Maybe no one else holds APR up to a higher standard, but when you have that designation AND you are at a conference of communicators, you ARE held to a higher standard.
Agreed.
What’s worse is that he’s a public speaker. In addition to all of the other things that should have kept him from making the comment…
It makes me mad all the way around.
Early in my career, I had a CEO tell me he couldn’t remember my name but he was just going to call me Vicky because I looked like a Victoria’s Secret model, followed by the good ol’ wink, wink. I didn’t respond or say anything really but I remember being embarrassed.
To this day, I regret not speaking up for myself, but being young and unsure, I didn’t want to risk jeopardizing my career. It’s sad the environment STILL hasn’t changed all that much. So, basically, I wholeheartedly agree. We’ve GOT to do better.
OMG! Vicky!!!!
“Vicky Fay” sounds like the title of a raunchy Prince tune. 😉
Right?! She sounds like she’s into some weird stuff…
“I knew a girl named Vicky, I guess you could say she was a…” 😉
I dated a Vicky…..
I always think of the great responses to stuff like that long after the fact.
Me too! It’s always after the fact and I come up with the BEST comeback.
Ugg I do the same thing! Hours later I will have a good comeback.
What is wrong with people?! Seriously. (I mean, you are drop-dead gorgeous, but that’s not okay.)
People can just be so creepy… You’d think they would learn, but NO.
Geez! People!
To help put some of this in perspective and for some great ideas on how to effectively deal with sexism in the workplace, I highly recommend FEMINIST FIGHT CLUB, a new book by Jessica Bennett. She takes a no nonsense yet fun and practical look at how women and men can cope with this problem.
Thanks Gini, for bringing this up. The more we talk about it, the sooner we can eliminate it.
I will definitely read this book. Thank you, Julie!
I’m going to check this out too. I work in the automotive industry and the casual sexism astounds me. It is not, obviously, by everyone, but it’s enough to make me quite uncomfortable on a weekly basis.
Our friend Joel Hoffmann, who keeps commenting here, is in the automotive industry…so now I can say I’m not at all surprised at the casual sexism you must endure. It’s clearly so rampant, he has no problem commenting on a public blog about it.
Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve been given that “naturally flirtatious nature” line.
…or those who say “well she asked for it, but of what she wore.” (When the woman’s attire is completely appropriate.) Those are both excuses to condone an inappropriate focus on what women represent. I could just as easily say the same about male colleagues who have charming, “flirtatious” natures. But that never crosses my mind, because I have respect for them as professionals, not objects.
It will be very difficult to change things for the better for as long as we continue to promote or ignore/accept comments from people in positions of authority who push forward a perspective of women which highlights them as objects.
Absolutely, Laura! The … uh … *deplorable* behavior from people in positions in authority can’t be accepted or ignored. Especially if the acceptance is framed in a context like “well, that happened a long time ago” or “it’s just locker-room banter … boys will be boys. Sorry, ladies!” No, no and more no. It’s totally unacceptable, all decent people know it, but too many people look the other way or make lame excuses for the sake or money or power. That is truly pathetic, and we must do better!
I also think there is a big difference between being nice (which I guess is construed as flirtatious) and tweeting something about how a woman is wearing a blouse that makes the person wonder what’s under there. Are we in eighth grade? We haven’t figured out how to control ourselves?
I just can’t understand what he was thinking. Like really? Being in among such great pros, at a conference, not on the street!
OK, I get you’re thinking it, because for whatever reason. I can understand you telling it to the guy next to you.
(not saying this is normal, but it is what’s happening IRL)
But for God sakes, why do you have to tweet about it, offend people and make a total foul of yourself?
That’s beyond my understanding.
We have got to get to a point where this doesn’t happen. I recall being harassed while working at a car dealership. I wore a uniform every day and still was harassed. It doesn’t matter what a person is wearing, comments like these need to stop.
I vehemently agree!
Saddens me we still have far to go, at a PRSA conference no less. As for Theresa Payton’s blouse, I don’t get it, to me it’s fine. Did Pete Codella have a sheltered upbringing? Does he have a particular trigger problem with that shade of red? A tweet like that from someone who earned an APR is sad, perhaps when PRSA and CPRS update the coursework behind the designation should include sound judgement.
I really do think it’s worse because of what he does for a living. He knows better.
Agreed.
The tweet was in bad judgement. One day we won’t hear this stuff anymore. Yet, it has nothing to do with his APR! Nor does it have anything to do with an update to the curriculum which, by the way, is being done by the UAB (likely already finished) of which PRSA is a member. CPRS is not part of the UB and therefor not part of the APR.
Wow. I am surprised that men believe that they can just say whatever they want and people are supposed to accept it. A former supervisor once said to a co-worker that walked in his office while I was going over some things, “oh you must be here for the threesome” She nervously laughed and walked back out. Afterwards, I asked her about it and she said, “oh, that’s just how he is, he didn’t mean anything by it”
I just can’t understand how men expect that they can say whatever they want and expect that people are not going to be upset or offended about it. If you think you have a right to say that, then I have a right to address it.
I would be willing to bet if you asked any of your girl friends if they’ve had a situation similar to what you just described, they could all give you several examples. It’s not okay.
So. Gross. That tweet paired with your stories, Gini, AND the fact that *apparently* it’s down to us little ol’ womenfolk to make sure sexism doesn’t happen (comment below) – and I’m about to lose my lunch.
Nice, huh? I’m astounded.
So sad that this continues to be so prevalent in 2016 and in a meeting for professional communicators, for goodness sake. You know, the one’s who advise others on how to be effective, transparent and appropriate. And no, it is not ‘all in good fun’ because it’s at a conference – and it’s not wiped clean by apologizing (although that’s a good start). We must do better. All of us.
I agree, John. I feel like it’s worse because of the person’s career. He knows better. But what’s more disturbing is we live in a society where this seems to be okay. It’s not. And I agree we all must do better.
Love this post, love this conversation!! Oh, the stories we could each tell…
I keep saying, I’m fairly certain you can ask any woman if they’ve had experiences like this, and you’ll be regaled with stories.
For sure! In my teens and 20s, I was an avid hunter/jumper rider, and you wouldn’t believe the jerk comments about women in breeches…
Gini, thanks for writing so effectively on such an important topic. This issue is so pervasive in our society and the workplace that I don’t know whether to scream, cry or barf after reading your post. Everybody with any amount of decency has known for many years that behaviors like the ones you describe and show here are never OK, but too many times company executives or people in charge make lame excuses for it or look the other way for the sake of gaining or keeping power or money. GROSS!
At a previous job, after I had lost a lot of weight and was happily and proudly writing my syndicated newspaper column that gave favorite foods healthy makeovers, I noticed some of the men I worked with in and outside of the office were treating me much differently than they had just a few months before. They were making sexually charged comments and invading my personal space way too much (Oops! I didn’t mean to bump straight into you, Kathy!) Many of them were married with kids and I knew they wouldn’t act or speak that way in a million years if their wives were in the room. It started to happen so often and got so uncomfortable for me, that I started wearing baggy clothes. That didn’t help, so after a couple of years, I intentionally gained back some of the weight … just enough to get the catcalls and the sexually charged behavior away from me.
I know how to handle situations like that much better now, but we shouldn’t have to deal with them at all at work, and the guy who apologized for that disgraceful social media post should be fired, in my opinion. But a good portion of our country seems to have lost all common sense over the past year, and the ICK factor has risen significantly. I wholeheartedly agree wth you. We MUST do better than this. All of us.
A good portion of our country does seem to have lost common sense. It’s astounding to me. I really feel like we’re all being put back 70 years. Unless you’re a straight, white male (and I love lots and lots of them), you’re living in 1940.
No need to say you love lots and lots of them, Gini. Not all men have the same fragile egos. If they are appalled by the sexists comments, they know we’re not talking about them. 🙂
As you can imagine, as a PR consultant I’m rarely rendered speechless, but this example of stupidity and sexism really take the cake. I’m not sure what I’m more boggled by, Mr. Codella’s colossal social media faux pas, or Mr. Hoffman’s seeming belief that it’s a woman’s “job” to censor her wardrobe choices because apparently grown men can’t be expected to act like adults in a professional setting. I’d like to keep trying to delude myself that these recurring instances are anomalies, but I’m losing faith and hope fast. Some days I’m left feeling that if I roll my eyes any harder at the moronic lunacy of some people, they’ll just pop right out of my head and roll across the floor.
I’m with you, Meg. I keep thinking, “No! This isn’t really happening!” And then something worse takes my breath away.
#Repealthe19th? My jaw hit the floor when I saw that hashtag. Unfortunately, it says it all about an unfortunately large segment of society that crosses socioeconomic groups and professions.
I AGREE, Keena! It’s so hard to believe there are women in this country who would be okay with that. REALLY hard to believe.
Did @shonali Burke tell you the time we got ‘lost’ in the woods in Orlando as I was taking her back to her hotel after dinner with @adamtoporek and I? I had a black eye for a week….:).
I know with my ne’r do well friends, we do have somewhat of a one track mind. HOWEVER, how you act or verbalize it is a completely different story. I’m all about treating people like you would want to be treated, with respect until you give me a reason otherwise and then I can choose from there.
There really is no place for it, but I don’t know if the aggrieved get outraged enough to make a difference. Maybe if people who have a voice like you speak enough about it you will see noticeable change. Basically, you need to be yourself, and if you have ‘walk away’ power, once someone shows their true colors it’s up to you how to proceed. Unfortunately that sometimes comes w/ a dollar amount attached to it, but you gotta do what you gotta do, huh?
Go Cubs.
What are you saying? For a communicator, this sure is unclear. I’m reading that you and a friend took a woman to the woods against her will for dubious reasons after dinner and she fought back, but you are excusing it because you and your friends have “one-track minds.” Is that correct?
Bill was making a joke about a conference we were all at with mutual friends. He wants to respond to you and apologize for the joke, but he’s at a business dinner and sent me an SOS email to jump in until he can get here.
Thank you for clarifying. If what he wrote was true, it was terrifying. We need to be careful what we write, because tone is difficult to communicate.
Gail, I am so sorry you took my reply at face value. I was just being facetious and Gini and Shonali are both dear friends of mine who introduced me to social and everything that goes with it. I’m not a serious guy so half of what I say is funny (in my mind) and try to circle around to my point.
I don’t condone sexism, disrespect or discrimination in any form or fashion.
I apologize for my attempts at humor if it offended you; but I really am one of the good guys ? right Gini?
Thanks for explaining, Bill. I couldn’t tell what was going on from your post. It did alarm me. I enjoy humor, but as I mentioned to Gini, it’s difficult to convey tone in written communication. I hope you had fun at the PRSA conference. Wish I could have joined you!
Wow. This kind of crap makes me ashamed to be male. Thank you for exposing sexism right here in our own professional backyard.
Thanks for standing with us to stop it!
Early in my career I worked as an editor in the home furnishings industry. My first week on the job I was sent to Highpoint, NC to attend and write about the trends coming out from the furniture fair. I was at the event for less than half an hour before I’d been called stuck up for not accepting a cocktail (before 10 a.m.) and had my ass slapped by some random man. When I told my boss about it, she told me that’s just how the industry is and to get over it.
Ah, yes. “That’s just the way it is.” That’s my favorite.
Are you kidding me!
I wish! It definitely set some expectations for how things were going to go there.
If you are going to criticize someone’s professional judgement in public and call them out by name, it seems completely reasonable that you at the very least ask for their side of the story. On Twitter, Peter said he was making a common-sense practical suggestion for public speakers. Was his comment in poor taste? Probably. On the other hand, what somebody wears on a public stage does in fact have a huge impact on public perception of that person, regardless of what’s PC-sanctioned and what’s not.
Oh, I saw what he said about it…and it was not a common sense practical suggestion for public speakers. It was sexist and it was inappropriate.
As a woman speaker, I have had more than my fair share of comments about what I’m wearing (I once had someone tweet that no one should wear horizontal stripes, even if the person is skinny) and it’s just not appropriate. It’s not common sense. It’s rude and, in this case, it was absolutely sexist.
The tone of the original comment – that he was distracted, that he was wondering what was “visible” – was neither practical or focused on common-sense. He tried to blame his “distraction” on a piece of clothing, then took a photo to accompany his “suggestion” in an effort to publicly shame the speaker.
Only it backfired, didn’t it? And now he’s left looking like the kind of person who blames his distraction at a professional conference on a female keynote speaker’s outfit.
If you’re going to make such a comment on Twitter – IN PUBLIC – using what appears to be the hashtag from the conference, you should expect to have your professional judgement criticized.
Thank you for this Gini. Your stories are exactly the same as my stories (yet completely different…) and exactly the same as so many other women’s stories. I. Am. Sick. To. Death. Of. These. Stories. More specifically, I’m sick to death of people that belittle our stories and experiences.
I’m sick to death of it, too. And the more I think about it—and how many times I’ve let men get away with it—the more angry I get.
In my younger days, I had a client introduce me to a coworker, saying, “She’s not only good-looking, she’s smart … not that that matters.” This is the same client that tried to get me to go up a ladder in a dress while he waited below. After a few of these incidents, my rates went up and he decided I was too expensive. It was good riddance as far as I was concerned!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! Seriously. Good for you that you raised your rates and weeded him out. Jeez.
That was one lame apology. Not only did he not identify what he was apologizing for (I’ll assume he’s hoping no one noticed), he declared it in the manner of a five year-old who has been instructed to apologize but doesn’t really want to. It lacked even a tiny whiff of sincerity, which makes the whole exercise fairly pointless.
Thank you for writing about this, Gini. This along with the stories you shared and the far-too-many stories shared in the comments should – more than anything – indicate how far we have yet to go. I have stories, too. Sadly, I think most women do.
Not to get overtly political, but I have noticed a trend following the release of the audio tape from the major party candidate in which sexual assault is seemingly glorified. Women are speaking out, and many of them are women who were previously ashamed to speak out, or who didn’t think they’d be believed.
One account I read was from a woman who finally recognized that this is what was happening to her – she was being silenced because she worried what other people would think. She felt she was playing right into the hands of those who had verbally and physically assaulted her (although I certainly am not judging those who prefer to not speak out – I realize there are tons of reasons for that, too).
I mention this because I’m glad that she decided to speak out, like I’m glad that you did, too. And I’m glad that all of the other women sharing in these comments decided to speak out. Because this culture won’t change by itself – we know that by now. It will take many voices raised together, amplified and shared and amplified some more and finally deafening the sad little people who think behaving like this is acceptable in any kind of remotely civilized society.
I think we’ve all been conditioned to NOT speak out. Just like the CEO of the ad agency pretty much told me to suck it up so they didn’t risk losing their largest client. And, instead of going to the client’s boss, I kept my mouth shut and quit instead. Which means that man is now open to assaulting other women. Shame on me.
I get two answers when I share my stories, “you’re too sensitive” or “wear a ring.” If I was less sensitive I’d probably punch them in the face. With my ring. But since I’m so “sensitive,” I get it. It’s the insecurities. The fears. The lack of understanding. The guts to believe you can act poorly and still get away with it because it’s been possible for so long. There have been no consequences. But, it’s interesting that you posted this today. On Oct 25, 1975, women in Iceland went on strike, asking for equal rights. The press at the time noted, “The women of Iceland went on strike yesterday leaving their menfolk wondering how to run the country without them.” A year later Iceland passed the gender equality act. But it wasn’t enough. In 2005 Iceland’s women went on strike again, to protest the gender pay gap. There’s still more work to do. We can and should do better.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? I wear a ring. A gigantic one. It’s hard to miss. Does that mean I’m too sensitive?
This here is part of the problem. It’s not up to US to change our personalities or wear rings or be less sensitive. It’s up to men to stop behaving this way…and for those who are appalled by this behavior to stand up to the man/men when they see it.
It’s why I’m happy to see the NFL rankings are down this year. Plenty of men are fed up with the abusers who still get to play and are taking it out on the NFL.
Two weeks ago I was at a conference in Vegas and this attendant would call out at women – hey, why don’t you smile more. I saw women tweeting about him cat calling. NO one RTed or did anything about it. Day 3, I show up for my talk and as I walk up to my room he starts – hey beautiful, where have you been this whole time, oh wow, you are miss America! Hey why won’t you talk to me! I turned on him. Enough is enough. I walked up to him with rage in my eyes and just told him every reason why it was wrong and he got very very small. Three guys behind me are like, “oh come on, he’s just being nice.” And fueld by that, he was shouting after me again. And I had no more energy to spend on it. I had to get ready for my talk and I walked away. And that’s part of the problem. If women alone try to fight this and behind our backs others (men or women) condone poor behavior, we’ll never make headway.
Have any of you had a reporter ask you not to leave her on her own when she was scheduled to interview an executive? I did. Why? Because another reporter at a competing tech mag warned me not to be alone with this man. The PR person was shocked. I told her “Sorry, I hate to tell you this but he has a very bad reputation with women reporters in what he says and how he finds ways to put his hands on you.”
See, in the “old days,” many companies set up hotel suites at big conferences, like Comdex or Microsoft Tech Ed,and reporters were scheduled to come in for interviews. Maybe that’s still done. I don’t know.
What many PR people didn’t know was that women reporters did not keep quiet about the execs who offered to share a cab or sent the PR rep out of the room, and what happened if you did that. We “outed” these execs to their companies and, more importantly to each other. Soon, those execs weren’t getting coverage or interviews and that mattered A LOT to their careers.
My point here is to not keep quiet. Warn people at other agencies and companies and tell one another at conferences, if at all possible. I know that the consequences of speaking up as a reporter were minimal because we weren’t in a revenue earning position. Still, even warning the people in your business to not be left alone with a certain person really does make a difference.
That’s super good advice!
I’ve started publicly chastizing men for inappropriate comments/touching in professional settings. I’m not going to deal with it anymore. I recently went to a conference and of the four men I had extended conversations/meals with in group settings, three outright hit on me. All three were in serious relationships, and one even had a daughter. It didn’t matter that I was there as a professional to learn and meet other professionals. I was female, and therefore open to abuse. At least when you confront them over it, they seem to be ashamed of themselves and most will then leave you alone…
I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall for that. Good for you!
If you aren’t downright mean to a man, someone will say it is flirting.Things haven’t changed, we all do our best to keep our professional momentum going, and work harder and longer. But it is still whispered that we got to success because of who we knew, who we do, or similar. That needs to end. We all need to speak up.
Amen, Diane! Amen.
Wow, it seem like there is a great deal of anger in this group.
There is a lot of anger in our country, Joel. Part of the problem are the comments that are made, like the first one you did on this blog post. How would you feel if you were grabbed at, felt up, and had to hear really awful things day in and day out? When you were told to “suck it up” because someone said something awful to you just because “that’s how it is”?
How would you feel if you keynoted at an event with 3,000 people and the thing people tweeted about was not your incredible brain or the value you provided, but the shirt you were wearing?
The issue is that these things don’t happen to you. So either you can be part of the solution in standing up for women when these things are said and done…or just keep your mouth shut.
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e9e44d750580c3062aa191f8a89bf610713c60ae988a6f7bbac206e009e3854b.gif
Thank you for writing this, Gini. Powerful women need to use their platforms to help others understand just how common these types of things are. Ridiculous.
We were talking about it in a meeting this morning and every one of us have stories (yes, plural) to tell. How sad is that?
Reading your post reminded me of the Kevin Roberts saga. It’s sad this crap still happens.
http://nypost.com/2016/08/03/ad-agency-chief-resigns-after-sexist-remarks/
It really is sad. It’s, quite frankly, hard to believe.
Caught this last week, first chance to comment: WOW .. *OMG WTH?! emoji* Read some of the other posts and comments; we all have these stories, even today. I’ve got my ‘no I don’t want to work for anyone who didn’t like that I wore a pant suit to an interview’ or overtly sexist company culture stories. But it’s more than that; a couple confessions:
I am just as responsible when 1) I give a ‘different generation’ pass to the ‘nice guy, acts like my grandpa’ as I’m addressed ‘hello beautiful’ – and like others I try not to be ‘too sensitive’ or make it an issue. And when 2) I debate what’s ‘appropriate’ and make my fashion choices a thing – for this exact reason – and hate myself for making it a thing, knowing guys don’t.
ITA we all, myself included, must do better – so that we don’t ‘have to get used to it.” FWIW.