Guest

Five Effective Ways to Say No

By: Guest | October 17, 2011 | 
139

Today’s guest post is written by Ingrid Abboud aka ‘Griddy.’

Well lookie here – it seems I get to hang out at Aunt Gini’s house again. It’s been a while since I totally ignored her 500 word limit rule for guest posts my last visit ;).

Oh, and here’s a head’s up – I’ve thrashed the word limit this time round as well!

Sorry Gin – but Lisa said I could muwahaha! (Lisa’s note: Nuh-uh. I deny such claims.)

I’m not sure if that makes me a rebel or a nerd – but either way, I sure as heck appreciate the space, time, and tolerance that Spin Sucks affords me.

The Art of Saying No: In Life and Business

There have been numerous articles on why it’s sometimes necessary to say “NO” – whether to a potential client, an existing one, or even a friend or colleague.

There’s even a couple written on this blog that touch upon the subject.

Saying No to Clients

Why We Say No

Now before you yawn, hear me out…

I have no intention of regurgitating anything from those two posts!

Believe it or not – I have my own thoughts and wise words of wisdom on the topic.

There’s no doubt saying that two letter word can often pose a challenge – whether it be because we’re afraid, embarrassed, overzealous, unsure…whatever the reason, that small hesitation that leads to a yes, might have you banging your head against the wall while you repeat the answer you should have given in the first place…”NO, NO, NO!”

When a friend pleads with you to take over their assignment because they’re spending the weekend at the beach or a client asks you to handle their social media activities for 50 percent less of what you normally charge – it’s almost natural, not to mention nice – to agree and help out.

But the thing is – saying yes just to be nice or when you really can’t, might make it hard for you to follow through especially if you already have prior obligations.

What’s more, working while annoyed or for much less than you deserve can create a lack of motivation, not to mention a lack of quality.

So why open a door of potential problems for yourself when you can just as easily say no in a firm but polite manner – one which won’t create resentment from either party?!

What’s this you say Griddy? No resentments? No problems? No regrets?

Please do tell!

Well considering that I’m “officially” allowed to muse for another hundred words (which in Griddy world means at least 500), I’m gonna’ do just that.

Five Effective Ways to Say No

1). “I would love to, but unfortunately I’m not able to take that on right now.”

Whether you’re being honest or not (with the love part) – this line is somewhat code for “I don’t have the time for this and if I were to say yes I’d either not finish your project on time or do a half-ass job just to say it’s done.”

Always know your schedule and deadlines as well as your limits. You’re not frickin’ R2D2 and there’s only so much you can multi-task.

It’s important to level with yourself and others. After all, you want to remain true to yourself and the quality of your work. I’ve been late to deliver a project before because I was in over my head. Trust me, it’s a lousy feeling!

2). “Thanks for thinking of me, but I don’t think I’m the right person for that.”

Okay people…not everyone can do everything! Sometimes you just need to stick to what you know and are good at!

You may not agree with this, but I believe it’s important to admit when there are others out there who’d be better suited for the job. If a project is outside your scope of expertise or services, there’s no shame in saying so.

Remember: Your reputation and credibility are on the line each time you commit to something.

This answer (or one similar) could also work if the request goes against your values and beliefs. It might not be as harsh or straightforward as as saying, “Sorry, but I’m not okay with that” or “I’m not a fan of that cause or organization”, but it works nonetheless, and might spare you the “why” or “how come.”

3). “No thanks, but I can recommend someone else (or so-and-so) to help you out.”

Although you’ve given a firm negative, you’re showing your helpful and caring side by pointing them in the right (but different) direction. I’ve often had to do this – especially when I was overloaded or less interested in a project.

It’s always nice to recommend folks (as long as you’re sure of their capabilities so the finger doesn’t get pointed at you later) because they’ll most probably appreciate it and may even return the favor someday. Plus, it shows you support and aren’t threatened by others who work in the same field as you.

However if it’s a crappy or tedious job – like mowing the lawn for example – you can always call upon the fabulous Spin Sucks gals, Gini and Lisa. They’ll have your garden sorted out in no time (this is where my sarcastic emoticon would go if there was one)!

If you’ve got a confused look on your face because of that last part, go ahead and click here to see that I’m not on crack.

4). “Thank you, but it’s a rather big commitment for me right now. Is there any other way I can help out?”

Your friend asks if you can help organize an upcoming fundraiser. You realize that it’s a pretty large commitment that’ll require a ton of work and dedication. For whatever reasons – you’re not up for it.

With an answer like that, you’ve made it crystal clear that it’s a no-no for you. But at the same time, you’re not completely kickin’ ’em to the curb. You’re still offering to help out all while making it clear that it would mean a less major role on your part.

5). “Sorry, but I’m afraid it’s not part of the job description that we agreed upon. But if you like, I’d be more than happy to revise the contract and send you an updated proposal that includes your new requests.”

When it comes to saying that – I’m as weak as they come! It’s like my personality shrivels away – along with my female cojones – and I willingly get taken for a ride. It truly boggles my mind!

This type of answer demonstrates your awareness and your business sense. It’s also perfect for when a client pulls a project creep on you – something that’s being done to me as we speak. For the love of God – DO NOT let this happen to you! The more you cave, the deeper you’ll drown.

If you’ve been hired to do a job and your sweet client is squeezing in a bunch of other unrelated tasks – put your foot down! Don’t be afraid to call them out – regardless of how much you “like” them.

Note to self: Please follow own advice.

Alright, I’ve said enough.

Sheesh Lisa! There’s no need for you to shake your head in agreement! As it is, Gini’s running a word count and gasping ;).

Now it’s your turn…

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew “NO” was the right answer but you said “YES” anyways?

What other ways of saying “NO” have worked for you?

Have you ever had a client pull a project creep on you? How did you handle it?

Don’t be shy. You know I love it when you join the conversation – so go ahead and share your thoughts and stories.

Ingrid Abboud aka ‘Griddy’ is a whole lot of things with a ridiculous amount of interests. For one, she’s a social media enthusiast with a tremendous passion for writing and blogging. She’s also a pretty cool copywriter but a more serious MarCom Consultant. But most of all, she’s the proud owner and driving force behind nittyGriddy.com – A Kinda Social Media Journal with Net News & more.

P.S. This is Gini: We’re at 1,344 words. That means you can’t come back for 18 months, but we still love you.

Spin Sucks in Your Inbox

139 responses to “Five Effective Ways to Say No”

  1. trontastic says:

    Think of how often have you heard from a peer at work or exec “I know we shouldn’t do this but think of all the doors this business might open” and now think of how many times you’ve heard someone say “Wow, I know we took it in the shorts in the beginning, but look at how lucrative this relationship has become”.

    Nuff said. Print this post and put it on that peer/exec’s desk.

  2. Griddy says:

    Okay – here we go again Aunt Gini! You and I always get different numbers for the word count hahaha. So what do you say we ask folks to one on their end as well :). Starting from “well lookie here to….share your thoughts and stories”.

    Oh – and did I say thank you and I love you today? :))))))

    Seriously – thanks again for asking me to come back – even though technically it was Lisa this time haha. Much appreciate you guys!

    Big hugs

  3. balemar says:

    Saying no to the things that don’t matter or don’t fit leaves room for the things that do matter. Awesome post @Griddy ! (Don’t worry about going over! It wouldn’t be authentically you without it! ;p )

  4. Griddy says:

    @balemar Hey Beatriz – great to see you here and thanks for sharing your 2 cents :). You’re absolutely right about what you said! Now I kinda wish I had added your line to my post ;). As for going over – well, heck…it was expected hehehe.

    Hope you’re having a great Monday.

    All the best

  5. wabbitoid says:

    The best way to say no is to say, “That’s not a good fit with my skills, but here is someone who I am sure can help you.” No better way to make friends – and get referrals on the stuff you can do well. 🙂

  6. trontastic says:

    @wabbitoid or…”Hell no I won’t help you out while you sit on a beach and I’m stuck here in the snow”. I mean, either way works I guess. 🙂

  7. Griddy says:

    @wabbitoid That’s a great way to put it as well Erik – thanks :). And you’re right – people tend to appreciate you referring others to them and they may just to do the same one day. But I always like to make sure that if I’m going to refer someone to someone else – that they’re capable of doing a good job/qualified enough. And if I’m not 100% sure – I tell them that I know this other person does this but I’ve never worked with them or so forth….You know what I mean?

    Thanks for joining in Erik. I appreciate your input and wording. Have a great day.

    Cheers

  8. Griddy says:

    @trontastic@wabbitoid Hahaha! You’d be surprised by how many times I’ve had friends/clients ask me to do or help with their “homework” Levi. And if you only heard some of the reasons I got too!

  9. trontastic says:

    @Griddy@wabbitoid I think thats a whole other post in and of itself. “Top 5 Excuses I’ll Use to Get You To Do My Homework”

  10. Griddy says:

    @trontastic@wabbitoid Why my dear Levi – I think you might just be on to something there ;)! Care to do the honors?

  11. trontastic says:

    @Griddy Thank you for considering me for this opportunity but unfortunately I’m unable to do so. however, @balemar is an excellent writer and someone I believe beyond capable of exceeding your needs.

  12. Griddy says:

    @trontastic@balemar Brilliantly put LOL! Looks like you could have written this post as well :))).

  13. rachelrodenborg says:

    Sometimes you just have to say, “No.” If your gut goes off when you start pondering a project, it’s a great reason to evaluate the opportunity and, if “no” is the answer, decline the offer. This is a powerful thing to do–take control of your own destiny and choose exactly who you work with.

    Finding an alternative is an excellent practice as well. Someone else gets the work, the person who asked gets their work done, and you recognized and listened to that inner voice that -just knows- the right decision….if you listen to it. Great post! Cheers. Rachel

  14. Brankica says:

    I am not going to read this blog for the next 18 months until you allow Ingrid to come back!

    @Griddy just what I needed 🙂 especially love the “updated contract” thing

  15. Griddy says:

    @Brankica Hahahaha! I knew I could count on you! We should get a petition going to boycott this blog until Aunt Gini allows me to come back – in at least 17 months hahaha ;).

    As for the updated contract thing – I’m going through this right now – and like I said in the post – it’s something that I have difficulty doing – especially when a client is a friend. I still haven’t said anything though.

  16. Raj-PB says:

    One of the questions that I got asked during a job interview was, ‘You have sent a wrong proposal to a customer. How do you handle this situation?” I was quite taken aback, and explained to them that I would have to personally call the customer and apologies for making that mistake and request them not to consider it. During the job, I found out that I had to do it over and over again that I became proficient in the art of regretting! It comes quite handy while saying No. I mean, you can’t say those two words but can use 200 hundred words to imply a No in the nicest way possible!

  17. Raj-PB says:

    One of the questions that I got asked during a job interview was, ‘You have sent a wrong proposal to a customer. How do you handle this situation?” I was quite taken aback, and explained to them that I would have to personally call the customer and apologies for making that mistake and request them not to consider it. During the job, I found out that I had to do it over and over again that I became proficient in the art of regretting! It comes quite handy while saying No. I mean, you can’t say those two words but can use 200 hundred words to imply a No in the nicest way possible!

  18. Brankica says:

    @Griddy It is hard to say no to a friend… But, yes, boycott is in place!

  19. Griddy says:

    @Raj-PB Many often say that “less is more” – and although there’s a lot of truth to that (even though I”m more of a “more” girl when it comes to writing lol) – saying no sometimes needs a little back up. Sure we can simply say No thanks as well – but I think each situation is different and we have to be able to asset it as well as the person we are talking to. It’s not so much about rambling on – but more about being clear – and of course concise.

    It seems that all those short words are often difficult for many to say straight up – just think of those famous 3 words we all LOVE to hear hehe ;).

    As for your interview question – I must say – I’ve never heard of anyone being asked that before but it’s definitely a good way to see how you (as a potential employee) would handle a situtation.

    Thanks a lot for sharing your story here Raj – I appreciate it. Hope you enjoyed the article and that it comes in handy for you.

    Have a great day.

    Cheers

  20. Griddy says:

    @Brankica LOL! Wait till Gini says NOooooooooo! 😉

  21. trontastic says:

    @Griddy gave us 5 awesome ways, please allow me to offer a few more (there are some good ones in here)… http://ifaq.wap.org/society/sayno.html

  22. John Garrett says:

    Very impressive post, Ingrid! I’ll have to put these on my phone so I can read from it when necessary 🙂

    It seems like #5 is always coming up in my projects.

    Even when the scope is supposedly nailed down sometimes you just can’t control the direction a project takes.

    I usually use a variation of 3 and 5. I’ll say in a nice way that it’s not a part of the current scope of the project. If it’s something I can recommend someone for I’ll do that. If I don’t know anyone in the field I’ll leave it up to them to find someone, or I’ll offer to find someone as long as they agree to cover my time on it.

    I’ve found that as long as you make some offer to facilitate *something*, even if it costs them money the client is usually ok, and they don’t see it as a hard “NO”.

  23. Griddy says:

    @trontastic LMAO!!!! ;)) Seriously – still laughing! I can’t even decide which one I like best – but I sure as heck am excited to use a couple. I have a couple that use as well when I’m in my sarcastic mood (not for work of course – cough!).

    Thanks so much for the link!

  24. TheJackB says:

    Sometimes no is the most important thing you can say. When I worked as a project manager for a contractor clients always tried to include additional items in the scope of work which is why I used a very detailed contract.

    it made life much less complex than it could have been.

  25. Griddy says:

    @TheJackB It’s funny Jack – because I’d like to think that my proposals are rather detailed but somehow people conveniently omit reading the fine print – even when it’s in BOLD!

    Also – I have a lot more trouble saying no…. when the client is also a friend – which is sometimes the case.

    But you’re right – the more detailed the contract, the less of that happening I guess.

    How have you been? Hope all is going well on your end. Forgive my falling short of visiting and commenting on your blog the last months – I’ve kinda been MIA – but I”m slowly on my way back and looking forward to catching up with everyone.

    Thanks for sharing your input here. I appreciate it.

    All the best

  26. Griddy says:

    @TheJackB It’s funny Jack – because I’d like to think that my proposals are rather detailed but somehow people conveniently omit reading the fine print – even when it’s in BOLD!

    Also – I have a lot more trouble saying no…. when the client is also a friend – which is sometimes the case.

    But you’re right – the more detailed the contract, the less of that happening I guess.

    How have you been? Hope all is going well on your end. Forgive my falling short of visiting and commenting on your blog the last months – I’ve kinda been MIA – but I”m slowly on my way back and looking forward to catching up with everyone.

    Thanks for sharing your input here. I appreciate it.

    All the best

  27. Lisa Gerber says:

    I was asked to volunteer my time to help my good friends who are involved in an AMAZING cause. It would be a major undertaking. I love my friends, and I love the cause, but if I said yes, I’d let people down in the end. There is just no way. As hard as it is, it’s a lot easier to say no, now and deliver the right expectations than to let the situation get worse.

    And interestingly, I was inputting your lovely and very brief guest post during the minutes prior to our meeting. So thanks for getting in my head and prepping me! And way to throw me under the bus with the word count!!! LOL!

  28. Lisa Gerber says:

    @Brankica even on the day your post is published????

  29. Lisa Gerber says:

    @Raj-PB wow!!! No wonder they asked the question in the interview! sheesh!

  30. Lisa Gerber says:

    @rachelrodenborg so. true. We must obey the gut.

  31. Hi @Griddy These five tips are excellent and they can work in the non-business world as well! With some linguistic modification, those of us who have a hard time saying no in life (I’m speaking on behalf of my third cousin’s neighbor’s daughter…really…) 😉 can maybe suck it up and JUST SAY NO!! ( cough…just practicing) Thanks for a great post…loved it and … ginidietrich I think the post was the perfect length 😉

    Claudia

  32. Brankica says:

    @Lisa Gerber Yes, unless @Griddy gives me a day release off boycott :))))))

  33. Brankica says:

    @Griddy@trontastic OMG that is hilarious 🙂

  34. Griddy says:

    @Brankica@trontastic I Know! I can’t pick which one is my favorite!!!!

  35. Griddy says:

    @Lisa Gerber@Raj-PB LOL! Nothing like being prepared to errrr eh? 🙂

  36. Griddy says:

    @Lisa Gerber@Raj-PB LOL! Nothing like being prepared to errrr eh? 🙂

  37. Griddy says:

    @Brankica@Lisa Gerber I’m thinking it should be a day or two after Bran – what do you think? lol

  38. Griddy says:

    @rachelrodenborg Hey Rachel. You’re right about listening to your gut – if only I had done that more often I wouldn’t be doing tedious tasks or unrelated ones for that matter as I’m doing now. Well – sure they’re related, but they’re just not being compensated in any way.

    As for the alternative – you’re absolutely right – it’s a win-win for everyone I suppose.

    Thanks for the excellent advice Rachel. Much appreciated.

    Have a great evening.

    Cheers

  39. Griddy says:

    @SocialMediaDDSginidietrich I’m sorry Dr. Claudia – all I can focus on is you telling Gini that the post was the perfect length HAHAHA. I don’t know you that well yet but I like you already :)))!!

    As for these tips working in the non-business world as well – you’re absolutely right. A couple of the examples I had in mind when writing this post weren’t work related. And much like your 3rd cousin’s neighbor’s daughter (cough, cough and cough) – I have trouble saying no at times. For some reason I choke up during certain instances – but then there are those other time where it just comes out without any problem. It’s kinda strange how that works.

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. And again for your kind words. I appreciate them a lot.

    Now I have to count the words again to try and disprove the 13 hundred something count lol ;).

    Have a lovely evening.

    Cheers

  40. Lori says:

    Hi Griddy!

    Those are some masterful ways to say no! Like @SocialMediaDDS I’m thinking of social situations, projects or even school commitments. I can see their application in the business world, but I’m part pf a two-man family team and I don’t have trouble saying no to my husband!

    This post should be bookmarked and referenced by anyone starting out in their career!

    By the way, I’ve used #2 at times when a telemarketer phoned. Or I’ll say, “sorry, I’m in the middle of something at the moment.” Note to telemarketers – if you’d first say, “Have I caught you at a bad time?” rather than the understood assumption that you’re going to help yourself to my time just because you want to and I said “hello?” But I digress. Learning to say no to telemarketers has been good practice for me.

    Nice to see you back in the Blogosphere Griddy!

    🙂

    Lori

  41. nittyGriddyBlog says:

    @sherree_w Hi Sherree – thanks a lot for RTing my GP over at Spin Sucks. I appreciate it and I’m glad you enjoyed it :). Cheers

  42. Heading into 2011, one of my resolutions was to say “no” more often. These tactics helped me refocus. Thanks!

  43. balemar says:

    @trontastic@Griddy LOVE this! Hahahahaa!

  44. balemar says:

    @trontastic@Griddy Oh my goodness! I leave for the day, come back and you assign me work? 😉 I see how it goes. Levi – I’m not doing your homework for you!

  45. balemar says:

    @Griddy Thanks! Hope you had a great Monday. 🙂 Keep going to the beat of your own drum. I love your conversational style.

  46. balemar says:

    @Griddy Thanks! Hope you had a great Monday. 🙂 Keep going to the beat of your own drum. I love your conversational style.

  47. Nikki_Little says:

    The word “no” did not enter my vocabulary until recently, and I’m sure glad it has. Not that I particularly enjoy telling someone I can’t give my all to their project, but it’s helping me prioritize my activities…and remain sane!

    Like you suggested, I’ve found that either recommending someone else or saying that you can’t take on such a huge commitment, but you CAN help by doing X and X are both effective responses. If you can even help in a small way, people are still appreciative.

    I just wrote a post saying how important it is to spend time helping other people, and I firmly believe that. But you also have to be aware of how that time investment affects your own life. Yes, you need to help others. But you also need to take care of yourself and your family first and foremost.

  48. @Nikki_Little Good points all around, NL.

  49. @Lisa Gerber The post really was too brief. I could’ve read another 1,000 words or so of @Griddy ‘s knowledge. Right, gini dietrich :).

  50. So here’s my debate on this one. A mentor once told me that the way he made a name for himself was by raising his hand to take on whatever task anyone needed help with to show he was reliable. I have to admit, I have seen this approach work. Many times. But I also find myself spread to thin at times as well. Makes for a quandry. I’m guessing the more we prove ourselves, the less hand raising we have to do? But still, I see people reinforce the “he’s/she’s always willing to help out” POV all the time. Thoughts?

  51. I had to tell numerous advertisers something along the following “I’m sorry but the content you are promoting isn’t a good fit for my audience”, like seriously why would an advertiser ask me to write up about home loan modifications on a technology blog? Do they even look at the blogs they contact the owners of?

  52. glenn_ferrell says:

    Hi Ingrid — Great topic !

    Instead of suggesting we rewrite the contract — as in your #5 above, I suggest a change order. Customers understand change orders. Change orders are generally either “Fixed Price” or “Time and Materials” (although there are other options – check with any PMP 🙂 )

    Change orders are great. They cover those small extras that your customer decides they want as the project moves on — extra pages, some custom javascript, photography, whatever. Explain them using a building analogy. When you are building a house, sometimes you discover you want to add a closet, change flooring materials, etc. In the same way, when you are doing competitor and keyword analysis you may decide you want to add pages to cover certain key phrases, add that special piece of linkbait, etc. How change orders are handled MUST be spelled out in the contract — and the client has complete control over whether they want them or not.

    Change orders can also be used to control “Responsibility Creep”. I could say more…

    • Griddy says:

      @glenn_ferrell

      Hey Glenn,

      That’s a great suggestion – thanks a lot for pointing it out. I’m gonna’ look into further. My contracts or what I call Proposals and letters of agreement are pretty basic and straightforward – I generally want to keep them simple and 101 so that they are easily understood.

      What I was thinking of adding – is a little clause (again basic) that defines the concept of project creep without making the term sound “creepy” lol. You’d be surprised how often people don’t read the entire thing and it’s only 1/2 page or 1 page long – depending on the project description and how much there is to do.

      Thanks again for the excellent advice. I really appreciate it.

      All the best

      • glenn_ferrell says:

        @Griddy My contracts are also Proposals (that get signed.) But each proposal has an attached “Project Scope” (more detailed that the summary in the proposal) a “Schedule” (1 page document dividing the project into weeks with columns for responsibilities) and a “Terms and Conditions”.

        (As you said) Many times clients don’t read the full proposal. So I try to find ways of stepping through it and summarizing it before they sign. I need to work out a simple slide show that covers responsibilities (graphically).

        Project and Responsibility Creep:

        1) If you have a good scope and a good statement that defines responsibilities (the most important for me is how the client is provides content — formats, etc.), you probably don’t need a “Project Creep” clause.

        2) I am thinking of putting an Allowance in the proposal (separate from the Total) that would cover any additional “Content Conversion / Manipulation or Development”, that the customer may want to offload (when and if they run into trouble.) I think this clause will help in discussions on responsibility.

        The reward a client gets from a really good scope is a fixed price. Without a good scope, I can’t quote a fixed price.

        Best of luck !

  53. glenn_ferrell says:

    Hi Ingrid — Great topic !

    Instead of suggesting we rewrite the contract — as in your #5 above, I suggest a change order. Customers understand change orders. Change orders are generally either “Fixed Price” or “Time and Materials” (although there are other options – check with any PMP 🙂 )

    Change orders are great. They cover those small extras that your customer decides they want as the project moves on — extra pages, some custom javascript, photography, whatever. Explain them using a building analogy. When you are building a house, sometimes you discover you want to add a closet, change flooring materials, etc. In the same way, when you are doing competitor and keyword analysis you may decide you want to add pages to cover certain key phrases, add that special piece of linkbait, etc. How change orders are handled MUST be spelled out in the contract — and the client has complete control over whether they want them or not.

    Change orders can also be used to control “Responsibility Creep”. I could say more…

  54. glenn_ferrell says:

    Hi Ingrid — Great topic !

    Instead of suggesting we rewrite the contract — as in your #5 above, I suggest a change order. Customers understand change orders. Change orders are generally either “Fixed Price” or “Time and Materials” (although there are other options – check with any PMP 🙂 )

    Change orders are great. They cover those small extras that your customer decides they want as the project moves on — extra pages, some custom javascript, photography, whatever. Explain them using a building analogy. When you are building a house, sometimes you discover you want to add a closet, change flooring materials, etc. In the same way, when you are doing competitor and keyword analysis you may decide you want to add pages to cover certain key phrases, add that special piece of linkbait, etc. How change orders are handled MUST be spelled out in the contract — and the client has complete control over whether they want them or not.

    Change orders can also be used to control “Responsibility Creep”. I could say more…

  55. HowieSPM says:

    No. My apologies I don’t have the time to comment.

    No. I would comment but I can not read English. Can you post in Canadian please? I have no problem reading @DannyBrown because he writes in exemplary Canadian.

    Thank you for the offer to comment but I don’t comment.

    Sorry but I only comment on posts that discuss my specialty…the mating rituals of african green tree frogs.

    I would prefer referring this to @Griddy for commenting since she is a better commentor than myself.

    Great post @Griddy saying no is a very hard thing for most of us to do. And the ones who excel at it often get labeled Bitch or Prick or Ass. But the rest of us are often jealous of them which is why we label them that.

  56. bdroth says:

    This reminded me of an interesting piece from Esquire a few years ago about the power of “no.”

    http://www.esquire.com/features/influence/say-no-0508

  57. TheJackB says:

    @Griddy Hey Griddy. It is good to see you here again. Friends are sometimes harder to work with. I have a few that I won’t work with because I think it be too hard on the friendship.

    Life has been busy out here, sounds like it has for you too. Good things are coming for all of us.

  58. glenn_ferrell says:

    @HowieSPM@DannyBrown@Griddy Howie, this is great LOL ! I needed a laugh. I am, at this very minute, in the process of writing a “no” email to a client 🙂

  59. glenn_ferrell says:

    @HowieSPM@DannyBrown@Griddy Howie, this is great LOL ! I needed a laugh. I am, at this very minute, in the process of writing a “no” email to a client 🙂

  60. glenn_ferrell says:

    @HowieSPM@DannyBrown@Griddy Howie, this is great LOL ! I needed a laugh. I am, at this very minute, in the process of writing a “no” email to a client 🙂

  61. Nikki_Little says:

    @JGoldsborough Thank ya. 🙂

  62. @HowieSPM @DannyBrown @Griddy Laughed my way through your comment Howie… Loved it.

  63. Griddy says:

    @bdroth I haven’t read that article – thanks for sharing the link :). Will check it out when I get the chance.

    Cheers

  64. Griddy says:

    @bdroth I haven’t read that article – thanks for sharing the link :). Will check it out when I get the chance.

    Cheers

  65. Griddy says:

    @HowieSPM@DannyBrown Oh how I’ve missed you my dear Howie – but more so – your fabulous cracked-up comments that somehow make a lot of sense LOL! How have you been? Hope life and work are treating you well my friend.

    DB writes Scanadian actually hahaha! But it’s still exemplary :).

    Oooooo – I like “thank you for the offer to comment but I don’t comment” – I wonder if anyone would believe me if I used that one lol.

    As for for the “I cannot read English” – I actually said something similar a few days ago to some random person on the street who tried talking to me from the car. Said I didn’t speak that language – in THAT LANGUAGE haha.

    Happy you like this piece Chief Alien. And yes – saying no is sometimes much harder than we think. I just can’t wait to be labeled one of these things you mentioned here haha.

    Cheers to ya

  66. Griddy says:

    @SocialMediaDDS@HowieSPM@DannyBrown Howie really has a special way with words and comments – doesn’t he!? 😉

  67. Griddy says:

    @glenn_ferrell@HowieSPM@DannyBrown You gotta love Howie and the stuff that comes out of his mouth – — ummm… I mean his keyboard! LOL! He always manages to put a smile on our face and it’s always a pleasure interacting with him.

  68. Griddy says:

    @glenn_ferrell@HowieSPM@DannyBrown You gotta love Howie and the stuff that comes out of his mouth – — ummm… I mean his keyboard! LOL! He always manages to put a smile on our face and it’s always a pleasure interacting with him.

  69. Griddy says:

    @JGoldsborough@Lisa Gerbergini dietrich Ha! THANK YOU Justin :)). LOL

    But alas – Gini won’t be inviting me here for another 18 months at least – but I’m negotiating for 17 ;).

  70. […] blog – an AdAge Power 150 site might I add – to read my latest guest article, “5 Effective Ways to Say NO” or as I like to call it, “How to Say NO Without Inflicting Any Pain, Tears or […]

  71. Griddy says:

    @Dragon Blogger Hey Justin,

    It’s funny you bring this up cause there’s been this whole PR fiasco type thing going on lately between a rather popular blogger (The Bloggess) and some agency which tried to pitch her something that had nothing to do with the theme of her blog. Actually – Gini here wrote a piece on it – you should check it out – it’s definitely an interesting story and turn of events – pretty wild too lol.

    I think your answer to them is very cordial and proper – although I’m sure there have been times where you just wanted to reply with something like – “Read my damn blog and then see if you think I’d be interested!” lol

    Thanks for sharing your story. It’s very relevant to this whole topic and also an example that I neglected to mention when writing this piece – so thanks again :).

    Have a great week.

    Cheers

  72. Griddy says:

    @KrisSchindler I hope some of these work for you Kris :). I should maybe borrow that resolution of yours for 2012 hehe.

    Cheers

  73. @Griddy Yeah, I have had it all in 3 years. The higher your pagerank the more advertisers come out of the wood works trying to buy links.

  74. Griddy says:

    @Dragon Blogger I bet! Must be a drag at times – but maybe flattering at other times – as long as they’re somewhat related that is.

  75. Griddy says:

    @Dragon Blogger I bet! Must be a drag at times – but maybe flattering at other times – as long as they’re somewhat related that is.

  76. bdorman264 says:

    Who are you? Do we know you; you must be new around here?

    I used to say ‘yes’ all the time and all it got me was over-committed and ended up letting some people down because I couldn’t do a good job. That was not a good feeling for me so I got a lot better at saying ‘no’.

    What I did not say ‘no’ to was Ms Gini’s invite to her TweetUp in Orlando last night and I got to meet her in person for the first time. Cool beans, huh? You just have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them……………yikes, that was bad…………..

    Well, I would like to say it sure is good to see you but I’m not sure if it is a mirage or not. Hope all is well in your world these days and we sure do miss you……………

  77. bdorman264 says:

    Who are you? Do we know you; you must be new around here?

    I used to say ‘yes’ all the time and all it got me was over-committed and ended up letting some people down because I couldn’t do a good job. That was not a good feeling for me so I got a lot better at saying ‘no’.

    What I did not say ‘no’ to was Ms Gini’s invite to her TweetUp in Orlando last night and I got to meet her in person for the first time. Cool beans, huh? You just have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them……………yikes, that was bad…………..

    Well, I would like to say it sure is good to see you but I’m not sure if it is a mirage or not. Hope all is well in your world these days and we sure do miss you……………

  78. bdorman264 says:

    Who are you? Do we know you; you must be new around here?

    I used to say ‘yes’ all the time and all it got me was over-committed and ended up letting some people down because I couldn’t do a good job. That was not a good feeling for me so I got a lot better at saying ‘no’.

    What I did not say ‘no’ to was Ms Gini’s invite to her TweetUp in Orlando last night and I got to meet her in person for the first time. Cool beans, huh? You just have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them……………yikes, that was bad…………..

    Well, I would like to say it sure is good to see you but I’m not sure if it is a mirage or not. Hope all is well in your world these days and we sure do miss you……………

  79. Griddy says:

    @bdorman264 Well Howdy Bill :). It’s great to see you – and I sure as heck missed ya during my little (cough) absence.

    You and Gini met last night? That’s awesome!!! 🙂 I guess that’s when you don’t think twice to saying YES eh? 😉

    Hope you guys had a blast – wish I could have been in Orlando with you – I’m sure you must have had some good laughs.

    OH..and definitely not a mirage. I’m slowly getting back to my usual ways – little by little. Thanks for being so patient with me.

    Hope all is well on your end. Looking forward to catching up soon.

    Cheers Mr. Dorman!

  80. Griddy says:

    @bdorman264 Well Howdy Bill :). It’s great to see you – and I sure as heck missed ya during my little (cough) absence.

    You and Gini met last night? That’s awesome!!! 🙂 I guess that’s when you don’t think twice to saying YES eh? 😉

    Hope you guys had a blast – wish I could have been in Orlando with you – I’m sure you must have had some good laughs.

    OH..and definitely not a mirage. I’m slowly getting back to my usual ways – little by little. Thanks for being so patient with me.

    Hope all is well on your end. Looking forward to catching up soon.

    Cheers Mr. Dorman!

  81. Griddy says:

    @bdorman264 Well Howdy Bill :). It’s great to see you – and I sure as heck missed ya during my little (cough) absence.

    You and Gini met last night? That’s awesome!!! 🙂 I guess that’s when you don’t think twice to saying YES eh? 😉

    Hope you guys had a blast – wish I could have been in Orlando with you – I’m sure you must have had some good laughs.

    OH..and definitely not a mirage. I’m slowly getting back to my usual ways – little by little. Thanks for being so patient with me.

    Hope all is well on your end. Looking forward to catching up soon.

    Cheers Mr. Dorman!

  82. Griddy says:

    @JGoldsborough I think it’s a great thing to be willing and able to help out all the time – but I also know that people won’t think any less of you if there are times where you have to say No – for whatever reason. I was always the girl who bent over backwards for others and I still do – as much as I can. But when it comes to work things – I learned my lesson a couple times. Heck, I’m still learning when it comes to the whole project creep thing. In one way – I don’t want to disappoint the person or let them down – and it’s also in my nature to try and help – but in another way – I find myself doing more than what I bargained for.

    A few friends of mine use to hold a fundraiser every year – and although I would have loved to be a part of it – I just couldn’t commit to being present all the time. So instead I helped a bit with the PR side – pro bono of course. Does that mean I’m less appreciated? I sure hope not lol.

    I have no doubt that that approach (the one you mentioned) works very well. But do you think it can backfire as well? Maybe in people starting to take it (and you even) for granted that you’ll always be there to help? What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this Justin.

    Thanks so much for adding your input here. Good things to think about.

    Cheers

  83. MargieClayman says:

    @nittyGriddyBlog @ginidietrich look at that, 2 of my favoritest ladies in one swell tweet 🙂

  84. I hate saying I’m not the right person for something! But I love couching it in a recommendation of a colleague. I feel justified, Griddy, thank you!

  85. adamtoporek says:

    @bdorman264 When you threatened to show up in Speedos, I almost said no. But then they moved the event inside.

  86. adamtoporek says:

    @nittyGriddyBlog I feel your pain. #5 is really difficult. When I did consulting work a million years ago, project creep was always a challenge. It’s difficult to find that line between going the extra mile for service and allowing unprofitable project expansion.

    Good to have you back Ingrid!

  87. How ’bout this one for #6

    “My mind is telling me NO, but my body….my body…. is telling me YES!!!!”

    (Sorry, had to slip that one in there for a fellow 80s lover 😉

    Griddy, this post kinda made me sad. Why? Because I think you’ve used each of these at least once with me since we’ve known each other! 😉

    Ok, I’ll stop joking now. But here is the thing— No that you’re getting your groove hopefully back on, I’m going to hold you to this post young lady, got that!!! Ya betta practice what ya preach with all them ‘pro bono’ folks in your neck of the woods. 😉

    M

  88. bdorman264 says:

    @adamtoporek There was a Speedo alert on a fat, pasty dude…..:). They moved it inside to be safe.

  89. tomewer says:

    You’re back! About bloody time too. This post came at a good time for me – as my blog is starting to gain just the tiniest modicum of traction, I am starting to get proposals that just aren’t for me. Letting people down gently is an art form.

    I do have a big problem with saying no – I want to please everyone. This is especially the case when you have a tiny little blog and want to get as much exposure as possible! I think if you ever feel uncomfortable with a request, you should either defer the decision or say no. Saying “yes” on the spot is never the right thing to do in those situations!

  90. Soulati | PR says:

    There is instinct involved, and I think another point is to Heed your instinct because it’s usually right. After a month on a project getting mistreated by a bit of a bully client I began to prepare to resign; something I’ve never done — walked away from $. Then he patched it up with help from the office manager and I agreed to stay. When, at the end of the engagement, the client asked me to do the near impossible for $2K, I said, “I’m so sorry, but it’s going to cost you this much for this and this much for that.” The ball was in his court and he said, “let’s put things on hold.”

    The point? (Hey, I was telling a story ‘cuz Gin Blossom said we should.) My instincts were spot on, @ericaallision , and I didn’t listen.

    Welcome back, Friend!

  91. Soulati | PR says:

    There is instinct involved, and I think another point is to Heed your instinct because it’s usually right. After a month on a project getting mistreated by a bit of a bully client I began to prepare to resign; something I’ve never done — walked away from $. Then he patched it up with help from the office manager and I agreed to stay. When, at the end of the engagement, the client asked me to do the near impossible for $2K, I said, “I’m so sorry, but it’s going to cost you this much for this and this much for that.” The ball was in his court and he said, “let’s put things on hold.”

    The point? (Hey, I was telling a story ‘cuz Gin Blossom said we should.) My instincts were spot on, @ericaallision , and I didn’t listen.

    Welcome back, Friend!

  92. Shonali says:

    Love it. That is all.

  93. Griddy says:

    @Shonali I’ll take that! :))) thanks Farnoosh! Gonna’ listen to your podcast soon as well.

  94. Griddy says:

    @Shonali I’ll take that! :))) thanks Farnoosh! Gonna’ listen to your podcast soon as well.

  95. Griddy says:

    @Soulati | PR@ericaallision I think you’re right about following our instincts Jayme! Your answer to your client was also spot on – that’s the kind of answer I have trouble with when I’m already working on a project and other things get asked of me. That’s where I hesitate. If it’s from the beginning – I give my price and it’s take it or leave it – but when I’ve already started and the extras start coming along…that’s where I have a bit of trouble sometimes.

    Thanks so much for sharing that story Jayme. I’m in the process of growing some cojones haha.

    It’s good to be back. I missed you all very much! 🙂

    Have an amazing week my dear.

    Cheers

  96. Griddy says:

    @Shonali I’ll talk that! :)) Thanks so much Shonali. I appreciate it a lot. Cheers

  97. Griddy says:

    @tomewer Haha! About bloody time is right Tom :)!

    I think it’s in many of our natures to try and please everyone – but I think we also know deep down – that you can’t! It’s mission impossible in many ways – whether in life or business.

    I have no problem saying no in general – except for certain things – and those are the one’s that usually get me into trouble – or in over my head to put it better.

    And you’re right – when your blog begins to grow and the attention begins – you want to be there for everyone and you want to help out as best you can. Sometimes it’s the excitement that leads you. But there comes a point where you get asked things that you know you can’t possible fulfill or that are out of your scope of expertise – or simply – you might be uncomfortable with. And saying no or referring them somewhere else is usually the smart thing to do.

    Great to see you here Tom. Very happy to hear that your blog is taking off! Good for you :). It’s a wonderful ride.

    Talk to you soon and thanks again for that thoughtful message you sent me not long ago. Much appreciated.

    Cheers

  98. Griddy says:

    @Marcus_Sheridan Hahahaha! Ummm…I mean…no clue what you’re talking about hat there – I wans’t born yet in the 80’s. COUGH, COUGH and CHOKE! lol 😉

    I’ve actually used all of these many times Mufasa – but the last one is the one I have the most trouble with as you well know. That whole project creep thing often seems to happen to me and although I still go out of my way to accommodate a client – especially if I know them on a personal basis – I know that I really should get compensated for it.

    Next time – I’m calling you for support – or I’ll have you answer them. Start working on your Griddy voice please hahaha.

    Thanks so much for dropping by M. It’s good to be back my dear friend. I missed ya much.

    TTYL

  99. Griddy says:

    @adamtoporek Hey Adam,

    Great to see you here :)!

    You’re right – finding that line is pretty hard. I always thought I was pretty good at saying no when I needed to but in these cases where I’m put in delicate situations – I kinda hesitate for some reason – even though I know inside the answer that I should be giving. I’m even thinking it while replying but….,

    You know – I feel like adding a little project creep clause to my proposals that my clients sign. But then again…God knows if they read them and if they do…reminding them would be just as big of a challenge lol.

    It’s good to be back and thanks again for taking the time to stop by and share your input. Appreciated.

    Have a great day.

    Cheers

  100. Griddy says:

    @ShakirahDawud Hey Shakirah. As much as we might all hate saying that at times – I think it’s necessary. There are many ways to phrase that sentence so that it sounds the way you want and divulges only what you want or are comfortable with as well. But it’s always nice to recommend someone else when you do. In general – both parties are appreciative.

    Great to see you here Shakirah.

    Have a nice day.

    Cheers

  101. Griddy says:

    @adamtoporek@bdorman264 Ummmm….hold up! Rewind! Speedos what? 😉

  102. Griddy says:

    @bdorman264@adamtoporek I’m gonna’ need more details and possibly visuals as well Bill haha ;).

  103. tomewer says:

    @Griddy My pleasure 🙂 “Taking off” would probably be an exaggeration, but I am the optimistic type 😉

  104. @Griddy It was, and in some cases during my experimentation I took some up on the offer and was subsequently penalized by Google and had my PR dropped. I had a warning in my Google Webmaster tools that they detected paid links on my homepage.

  105. Griddy says:

    @tomewer Nothing wrong with being optimistic my friend :).

  106. Griddy says:

    @tomewer Nothing wrong with being optimistic my friend :).

  107. EmmaofCEM says:

    It’s so difficult to say no sometimes. These are all wonderful suggestions. Thanks for sharing!

  108. EmmaofCEM says:

    It’s so difficult to say no sometimes. These are all wonderful suggestions. Thanks for sharing!

  109. allenmireles says:

    @bradshorr thanks for the retweet, Brad

  110. DJ_K_0S says:

    @DougRan You can’t say no. That’s why you’re back in Dallas – again. @heidithorne @allenmireles @ginidietrich

  111. Griddy says:

    @EmmaofCEM Hey Emma – it sure is tough sometimes – depending on each situation of course. I’m glad you found this article useful. Thanks for dropping by.

    Cheers

  112. Griddy says:

    @EmmaofCEM Hey Emma – it sure is tough sometimes – depending on each situation of course. I’m glad you found this article useful. Thanks for dropping by.

    Cheers

  113. I started to comment yesterday, but I was wholly unsatisfied with what I had written. So delete the comment, I did. See, I said No. No to my impulse to immediately comment on @Griddy ‘s first post back. Trust me; the enthusiasm was bubbling within me. But, I digress, I’m back today to share my thoughts.

    I was thinking about saying NO and how the concept relates to my current state in life. More importantly, I was thinking about why we sometimes say YES. Without conscious thought, I often say Yes because it provides an easy excuse for failure. If I overload myself, stretch Jamey too thin, take on a task which we I’m incapable of completing, I DON’T have to be successful.

    I don’t have to wear that burden — yes, I may show the stress of having such a full plate, but I don’t have to produce any outstanding results. I have a safety net.. “sorry, it was the best I could do at this time…” which is just a load coming from the north end of a south bound steer.

    I’ve said a metaphoric yes to relationships that I knew to be doomed from the onset — which seems silly now — but it was because I knew I wouldn’t be the one to blame when it didn’t work out. It was purely circumstantial. I was absolved of guilt/responsibility.

    What I’m attempting to say is that it’s easier to try the knowingly impossible because failure is excusable as opposed to trying to achieve what lies on the margin of feasibility because if we should fall short in that endeavor, it lies with us and only us.

    Say no to what you cannot do to allow the opportunity to say yes to what you can do.

    Griddy, it’s so nice seeing you back here, there, and everywhere.

    Besos pa’ ti.

    Jimbo

  114. SpinSucks says:

    @jamesdburrell2 yay! She’s back!

  115. Thanks for the list Griddy! I was missing you and am glad to see you back!

    I have used 1 & 2. 2 in the sense that I was asked to comment in a local magazine on a medical treatment that I haven’t formed an opinion on/didn’t fully endorse. I just declined to comment.

    Clinically we don’t get project creep as much as we get “Oh by the way” as you are walking out the door of a consultation that you have already spent more than the allotted time. By the way, never say this to your doctor as she walks out the door. Or we will black list you in the computer when you come in next (kidding of course!).

    It took a long time to find a nice/diplomatic way to deal with this. Rather than say no we cannot address your 15th problem today, I get a little information and start the evaluation, make a suggestion of a plan and then have the patient come back. Unless of course that “Oh by the way” is chest tightening that radiates to their jaw… Then my schedule is really a mess (insert curse word) for the rest of the day.

    Best,

    Rajka

  116. nittyGriddyBlog says:

    @jamesdburrell2 Hey you!!!! For some reason I wasn’t getting any of my mentions in my hootsuite – just saw this now. Hope U R well Jimbo

  117. nittyGriddyBlog says:

    @ericamallison Hey Erica :). It’s good to be back – slowly but surely. How are you? Long time. HOpe all is well on your end. talks soon.

    • ericamallison says:

      @nittygriddyblog Good to see you back, my friend! Things are good, but hectic here. Can’t wait to begin to catch up soon.

  118. nittyGriddyBlog says:

    @shonali Hey Shonaliiiiiiii :)! How are ya? Hope your weekend is going well. Talk to you see dear. All the best. Ciao

  119. glenn_ferrell says:

    OK — here’s another issue. How do you say “No” to a client’s copy ? This actually falls loosely into the domain of #5 above.

    How do you tell a client that their copy will not work for their audience (or possibly any web audience) without getting yourself into extensive un-paid coaching sessions ? I actually know how tell them. I just haven’t figured out how to avoid the extensive discussion (which have, in extreme cases, extended to writing me emails with questions on grammar, hyphenation, etc.)

    A competitor/occasional-collaborator suggested having an Allowance in the Proposal for rewriting the customer’s copy. That’s the best idea I’ve heard on this.

  120. SharelOmer says:

    Hi Ingrid 🙂 nice to see your post here. (followed from your newsletter to your post to this one LOL )

    It’s hard for us to say No since someone think of us and want us to do something for him/ with him…

    On one side you want him to keep asking you things that may be more relevant to you, on the other hand you don’t want to do this specific thing..

    When emotion is involved its hard to say no…. and we are in the biz of emotions..

    Most people dismiss the decision until they reach the deadline, and when forced to give a decision say.. “sorry, but i think i will skip on this opportunity for now,…”

    Thanks for maling us think…and good luck with saying no and saying LOTS of YES!

    Sharel

  121. TonyH says:

    Fantastic to see you back Griddy and you haven’t lost your touch (or your ability to annoy Gini with your word count!)

    I agree that saying no is sometimes hard to do and we can all quote examples when we agreed to something as it was the easiest thing to do and lived to regret it later. Can’t do anything about them now but sure can in the future.

    Often in those situations I found myself ignoring the little voice in my head (you know, that thing called instinct) and I think I maybe need to listen to it more. That’s the easy part, communicating the decision is the hard part so thanks for the suggestions.

    Thanks for a very worthwhile 1344 words, I am so glad Gini said yes to you when you exceeded her limit 🙂

  122. nittyGriddyBlog says:

    @hackmanj Thanks a lot for the RT on my GP at Spin Sucks Joe :). I appreciate it. HOpe you’re well. It’s been a while since we last tweeted

  123. nittyGriddyBlog says:

    @mombizcoach And I LOVE, Love your enthusiastic RT :)). Thanks a lot Lara – I’m really glad you enjoyed my GP on Spin Sucks. Cheers

    • mombizcoach says:

      @nittygriddyblog It was fab, Ingrid! I’ve delivered the same message a zillion times, but I totally adore your take on it. Made me laugh!

  124. mombizcoach says:

    @mediamandy Thanks Mandy!

  125. Omnific_Design says:

    Hi, Ingrid.

    It has been awhile since I’ve last read any of your posts and I sure am glad that I read this. It reminded me of an experience recently when I had to let go of a client. She demanded too much of my time and it got to a point when it was no longer worth it. I had to gently let her go as the time I spent on her could have been used on other more worthwhile business dealings. Boy, was she mad when I told her I had to let her go by using words along the same lines as your number 5. But, even if she got mad at me, I am still relieved and able to do much work now that she’s out of my client roster.

    – Wes –

  126. meileu says:

    @primadamo thanks for sharing! and thanks for saying no! 🙂

  127. […] MIA for more than two months! Gasp! And, to inform her community she’s baaack, she hit up the Gin Blossom to announce her comeback on […]

  128. letmemoveyou says:

    My example is opposite but sitll pertains to the topic. I do have a hard time saying no sometimes. MostI recently, I hired one of my students to do some work for me. We did not find a meeting of the minds and he did a lot of work that I did not ask for and that I just did not understand. He did not paying any attention to what I was asking for or respond to what I was sending. When I gave him feedback, which I thought would help direct his efforts, it hurt his feelings. This astonished me as I thought the clarity would help direct his efforts. In the end, I had to say “no,” or more aptly, “no more,” and it was long overdue. I had to walk away from the project because we never got on the same page. I spent months trying to help him out when I would have moved on a lot more quickly had he not been my student. It was a hard lesson. Perhaps I should have said no from the outset so the lines would not have been blurred.

  129. These are all very smooth ways to respectfully turn down a proposition.

    One of my favorite books I’ve ever read on this topic is, “When I Say No, I Feel Guilty” by Manuel Smith. Anyone who feels like they’d like to go deeper on this topic, I can’t recommend this book highly enough. Extremely eye-opening for the inner wuss.

  130. These are all very smooth ways to respectfully turn down a proposition.

    One of my favorite books I’ve ever read on this topic is, “When I Say No, I Feel Guilty” by Manuel Smith. Anyone who feels like they’d like to go deeper on this topic, I can’t recommend this book highly enough. Extremely eye-opening for the inner wuss.

  131. […] Five Effective Ways to Say No (Spin Sucks) […]

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  133. tsun says:

    I think the trick is to soften the “no” tone by either thanking them or by offering them another (better) alternative. What I personally would do is reject the invitation or offer, and then use some “legit” excuse to pull myself away and then suggest something better (like scheduling to meet up later). What would be your way to smooth your way out?

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