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Miracle Max Presents 11 Things that Aren’t Quite Dead

By: Guest | July 5, 2012 | 
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Today’s guest post is written by Margie Clayman.

Have you ever watched The Princess Bride?

If not, you really need to get on that. Go ahead. I’ll wait for you.

Just kidding.

Now for the rest of you, I’m sure you know and remember Miracle Max, the character played by Billy Crystal and a lot of make-up.

Max is the one who tells Andre the Giant and friends that Wesley (played by Cary Elwes) is only mostly dead. He further points out (and logically so) that if you are only mostly dead, you are partially alive.

This scene comes to mind often when I am navigating the online waters. It seems like everything these days is apt to be declared entirely, 100 percent dead. In fact, just yesterday someone on Twitter informed me that she saw someone proclaim brick and mortar universities dead.

Just don’t tell Harvard. Or Ohio State.

With that in mind, I thought I would pull in some Miracle Max expertise. I interviewed him about 11 things I’ve seen proclaimed dead so I could get his professional opinion.

Below is a summary of the items I asked him about, as well as his responses.

  1. Direct Mail: “Direct mail dead? Pht. When Victoria’s Secret stops sending out paper catalogs, I’ll declare direct mail fully dead.  I do love those catalogs. I get them for the well-written photo captions.” (Max’s wife Valerie was heard yelling “LIAR!” as we recorded this conversation).
  2. Advertising: “If advertising is dead, why are search engines using television commercials to promote themselves? Why is Google, which is as evil as Humperdink, using advertising to promote itself?  No no, advertising is not dead. People may not like it but I hate Humperdink and he’s doing fine.”
  3. Websites: “What, so people are going to use Google+ or a Facebook page instead of a website? No, no, no. You need a website like you need chocolate to make my medicine go down easier.”
  4. Public Relations: “You know why people hate PR? Because it can make people like Humperdink look good with the right spin. But I tell you something. PR isn’t even mostly dead. It’s just changing.”
  5. B2B or B2C Marketing: “Yeah, when I pumped air into the lungs of some of these people what came out was “P2P.” This is stupid. Obviously if you’re marketing you’re talking to other people, whether they’re in a business or whether they’re individuals. We’re not selling to robots yet. BO, BM, whatever marketing isn’t dead because people like the sound of P2P better. Makes my prostate flare up though, just thinking about it.”
  6. Marketing: “Marketing is dead? I have a poster on my house wall outside that says, “I’m Miracle Max. I perform miracles.” If I didn’t have that how would people know I’m not just an old man living with a witch? (Valerie is heard to yell, “I’m not a witch, I’m your wife!”) Marketing is not even remotely dead. That doesn’t even make sense.”
  7. Email: “Someone I brought back to life once started talking to me about email. He said something interesting. What do you need in order to sign in to most social media sites? Yeah, email is nowhere close to being dead.”
  8. The Internet: “I guess people are saying the Internet is dead because mobile is catching on. I like looking at other women but Valerie hasn’t died yet. You can like more than one thing, you know?” (Valerie is heard yelling, “Humperdink, Humperdink, Humperdink!)
  9. Podcasting: “You need to talk to Christopher Penn about this. Yeah, I know him. He helped calm me down when Humperdink first had me fired.  He knows a lot more about this podcasting than I, but he says it isn’t dead, I say it isn’t dead. It’s not dead.”
  10. The Laptop: “Let me ask you something. If the laptop is dead or dying, why did Apple just launch a bunch of new shiny laptops? Not even mostly dead. Next.”
  11. Agencies: “You know why people declare agencies dead? Because so many people paint pictures of agencies as being evil. Humperdink is evil. Some agencies are evil. Not all agencies are evil. Not all princes are evil. And having a few evil apples doesn’t make the whole barrel evil. Or dead.”

So there you have it. It seems all 11 things that have been declared dead aren’t really dead. Many of them aren’t even mostly dead, and this is coming from a real professional!

If you have anything you’d like Miracle Max to check on, let me know. He might even weigh in on the comments for you.

Margie Clayman is the Director of Client Development at Clayman Advertising, Inc., her family’s full-service marketing firm. Margie is the third generation of her family to work there! Margie blogs at www.margieclayman.comYou can follow her on Twitter @margieclayman

Margie has authored a book called The ABCs of Marketing Myths, which you can read about here.

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65 Comments on "Miracle Max Presents 11 Things that Aren’t Quite Dead"

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KenMueller
3 years 10 months ago

Dang it, I love Miracle Max. And I’ve read posts recently that all of these things are dead, or dying. But Max can’t be wrong! I mean, anyone who loves an MLT must be right!
 
Oh, and you forgot blogs. I’ve been told blogging is dead. And some are even declaring social media dead.
 
Hmm. How about MySpace?

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @KenMueller Max actually went on a similar tirade about blogging being declared dead, but I told him that Gini had already written several excellent posts about why that idea is daft, and since she is more in tune with the 21st century, we both agreed we’d let Gini’s word be the last on that issue.
 
So far as MySpace goes, Max gave me a pretty raunchy response about how he liked all of the scantily clad women porn he got on there and if it was dead he sure wasn’t. I really couldn’t publish most of it so I edited it out.

Sean McGinnis
3 years 10 months ago

You forgot about SEO. It’s death is continually being foretold and predicted.
 
Have fun storming the castle boys!

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @Sean McGinnis I actually didn’t forget about SEO, Sean. I asked Max for his opinions about that. What I got was a tirade that I couldn’t make sense of until I found out that Humperdink had been in SEO before ascending the throne. Max sort of steered away from his “1 bad apple” philosophy in that particular regard. Sorry…

jasonkonopinski
3 years 10 months ago

 @margieclayman @Sean McGinnis Does anybody want a peanut? 

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @jasonkonopinski  @Sean McGinnis I do not think that word means what you think it means.

jasonkonopinski
3 years 10 months ago

In the case of the podcasting fiasco, the person who declared the medium dead (I was at the BlogWorld session) was complaining that he couldn’t grow his audience in four years. Yeah – that was a problem with his CONTENT, not the medium. 🙂 

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @jasonkonopinski So … wait. If your content sucks you might not grow whatever it is you’re trying to grow? Well I DO declare.

jasonkonopinski
3 years 10 months ago

 @margieclayman Heh. I won’t go into the details, but this particular individual on the panel has been podcasting for years – but reading fiction on air isn’t a podcast, it’s an audiobook. 🙂 

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @jasonkonopinski There is that…

jasonkonopinski
3 years 10 months ago

Let’s get down to the heart of the matter though: declaring anything “dead” online is nothing more than link-bait. You write a provocative headline and you just *know* that you’ll see a huge spike in traffic and, if you’re lucky, a good amount of discussion caused by raised hackles on both sides.
 
It’s in the bag of tricks of everyone who writes for digital consumption – and every blogger employs them occasionally. I know I have. 

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @jasonkonopinski I think I wrote about “is dead” in a post about phrases that could really head on off to retirement. I might some day write a post about how “is dead” is dead. But I think that might just tick people off 🙂 

TheJackB
3 years 10 months ago
Max’s wife is a witch, not sure if that disqualifies her opinion or not.    The thing about all this is that we keep seeing many of the “experts” paint themselves into corners they can’t get out of. Whatever they tout must be followed and feh on those who disagree.   I have seen more than one reply to disagreements with comments that suggest the other person doesn’t understand or they wouldn’t suggest that the “expert” was wrong.   Anyhoo, I wonder about the “reach” of some of these experts. Some of them may have hundreds or thousands of readers,… Read more »
margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @TheJackB Well, I ran some of these by my dad, who is not as involved in social media. He could not believe that people get away with writing things like “Marketing is dead.” For people not in this space, it seems like we’re making this up.
 
For people in this space, I think there needs to be a step back to analyze why we let those kinds of posts go. Are we just tired? Is there too much vitriol when there is disagreement? I dunno, but in all seriousness it’s disturbing!

Anthony_Rodriguez
3 years 10 months ago

Just one word needed here: AWESOME!

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @Anthony_Rodriguez thanks! Glad you liked it 🙂 

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@joelfortner thanks! 🙂

JoelFortner
JoelFortner
3 years 10 months ago

@MargieClayman Have fun stormin the castle!

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@briansrice thanks Brian! How was your holiday?

briansrice
briansrice
3 years 10 months ago

@MargieClayman not too bad though the heat was “inconceivable”. Hope you enjoyed the 4th!

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@briansrice hehe 🙂 Yes, I agree. It’s equally disgusting today, I think.

RebeccaTodd
3 years 10 months ago

Excellent take, Margie! One of the best films…ever?

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @RebeccaTodd I’d go with that!

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@pmcarthurmilne thanks for the share!

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@JonFMoss thanks Jon!

JonFMoss
JonFMoss
3 years 10 months ago

@MargieClayman no problemo – good stuff!

ginidietrich
3 years 10 months ago

You already know I love this! As I was reading it, I was thinking, “What about his wife and ‘LIAR!'” and then you brought her into it! Love, love, love!

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @ginidietrich thanks Gini-San 🙂 And thanks for letting me post here! 

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@jocmbarnett thanks for the tweet!

AmyMccTobin
3 years 10 months ago
I would like to print this up by the thousands (think Phone Book size) and smack a certain individual over the head with this.  Last week one of my friends and sometime-client declared, on his Facebook Page, that “In 5 years there will ONLY be Social Media and I’m not going to miss out.  Forget other forms of advertising… Social Media’s where it’s at!”  He didn’t think this up… he is being advised by a young 20-something who runs a start up, Beta-Social Media Mgt company… this same smart whippersnapper once declared to me at a talk I gave at… Read more »
margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @AmyMccTobin That’s pretty scary. I’m not sure Miracle Max is the one to get through to those folks though. I mean…he’s old. And fictional…:) 
 
So glad you liked the post! 

KRLRose
KRLRose
3 years 10 months ago

Marketing is most definitely dead.
 
Stop Marketing Start Loving. 
 
Metaphor is dead. 
 
Long Live Metaphor.
 
This list is so dead.
 
I knew Margie when she had like two followers. 🙂 
 
I am an early adopter. 
 

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @KRLRose hah! True that! I was an early Kenny adopter too 🙂 

AlaskaChickBlog
AlaskaChickBlog
3 years 10 months ago

Margie.
Shew. That is a relief! Lord, I was wondering if maybe I was dead and forgot to realize it.
You always make me laugh~ If only I had teachers when I was so young and malleable like you…maybe I would understand more of today’s dramas. ~Your Alaska Pal

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @AlaskaChickBlog Oh, I’m not malleable. I’m stiff as a board. Believe you me! Thanks for popping by! 

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@ginidietrich aw. thanks 🙂

AlaskaChickBlog
AlaskaChickBlog
3 years 10 months ago

@ginidietrich @spinsucks @margieclayman EVERYTHING Margie writes is Awesome! I even got to comment!

ginidietrich
ginidietrich
3 years 10 months ago

@AlaskaChickBlog Woo hoooooo!!

valtheegal
valtheegal
3 years 10 months ago

@ginidietrich @spinsucks @margieclayman Thanks! Really enjoyed this great marketing post! 🙂

FellersFoodServ
FellersFoodServ
3 years 10 months ago

@ReneSiegel great article, thanks! And I just watched the Princess Bride yesterday. 🙂

Darryl1gkfzyd
Darryl1gkfzyd
3 years 10 months ago
danperezfilms
3 years 10 months ago

This is the kind of post for people that believe everything they read on the many redundant social media blogs. The world goes on as usual for the rest of us…

margieclayman
margieclayman
3 years 10 months ago

 @danperezfilms So delighted you opted to stoop down and leave your cheer here anyway, Dan. God bless you and your charitable heart. 

John_Murphy
3 years 10 months ago

Margie, thank for this. To add to your list, I can recall when it was being said that paper was dead now that we had computers! That has not quite worked out yet either has it?

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@jmicoaching thank you! 🙂

jmicoaching
jmicoaching
3 years 10 months ago

@MargieClayman. its a pleasure as I took real joy in it

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@lumenstrategies thanks!

bdorman264
3 years 10 months ago

Somebody thought I was dead in my office one time, but it was only because I hadn’t moved in several hours and only smelled dead; I made a quick recovery at lunch time however………
 
Good post Margie, I concur there is still life left in those of whom you speak. 

John_Murphy
3 years 10 months ago

 @bdorman264 did you move faster in the afternoon, or was that a step too far?

Venutisfylk
Venutisfylk
3 years 10 months ago
MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@pointa_pointb thanks lady 🙂

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@shonali thanks lady! Happy Friday!

shonali
shonali
3 years 10 months ago

@margieclayman But of course. And the same to you!

40deuce
40deuce
3 years 10 months ago

@shonali @margieclayman @ginidietrich I’m only clicking this link because I love The Princess Bride

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

thanks for the disclaimer 🙂 Do you want me to go back to being unemployed…in GREENLAND? @40deuce @shonali @ginidietrich

40deuce
40deuce
3 years 10 months ago

@MargieClayman @shonali @ginidietrich As you wish… 😉

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

Oh my sweet @40deuce, what have I done? *throws self down hill* @shonali @ginidietrich

shonali
shonali
3 years 10 months ago

@margieclayman @40deuce @ginidietrich HAHAHAHAH!!!!

SociallyGenius
3 years 10 months ago

This was kind of like mythbusters, which you already know is my favorite TV show on the claycomm network. My favorite might have been the brick and mortar universities lol, I hadn’t heard that one yet! Oh btw – U of M is beating you this year 😉 Someone also told me superheroes are dead but I’m still kicking! Good talk

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@kntoepfer thanks Kristin!

kntoepfer
kntoepfer
3 years 10 months ago

@margieclayman You’re welcome–have a super week!

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@kntoepfer you too!

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@suddenlyjamie thanks Jamie. I coulda sworn you commented that day. I could be nuts, however.

suddenlyjamie
suddenlyjamie
3 years 10 months ago

@margieclayman Well, wouldn’t that be embarrassing! I don’t think I did, but I do love anything w/the Princess Bride in it. 😉

MargieClayman
MargieClayman
3 years 10 months ago

@suddenlyjamie Love it again…for the first time…:)

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