Women Can’t Have it All? Change the Conversation!

@travid . Thanks Jerry;)

I've been meaning to comment on this all week and just haven't had the chance to do it. I read that article from the Atlantic when it came out. I really need to read it again. It was such a good piece about the conundrum we face as working women. 

I remember being frustrated when working at a non-profit and seeing how the volunteers on my committees - all women - pitted against each other in the working mom vs. stay-at-home mom debate. Ever since, it makes me scared of the day when I have kids and will be faced with moms on both sides of this issue who judge others for their decisions. I think that's part of the problem - women tend to judge those who make decisions counter to their own. Much like the article said, women who work stare down their noses at those who compromised and gave up their careers to be a fulltime mom. While we wish their wouldn't have to be a choice, we should also be careful not to condemn others for how they decide to go about it.

This is part of the reason I decided several years ago that I wanted to work for myself. Much like you, in every job I've had, I received "the look" for coming in a little late (mostly from those who are leaving at 4:59 every day) even though I had worked several more hours in the evening that they didn't see. I wanted to control my schedule and work when it made sense for me. And, I want to build my business in a way that will give me the flexibility in my work for when we have kids. 

I think this is one of the things that excites me most about building a business - I look forward to the day of when I have a team of people working for me and I can give them the type of work environment I wish I had at every other job. I'm a big fan of creating a positive work environment that's more focused on results and career development than who can win the prize for working the most hours or showing up to work on time.

What amazes me is that there are working examples, here and abroad, of companies -- even whole countries! - where the idea of being results-centered has taken over. It's not just the employers that has to change though. It's the culture - we have a culture of over-working, not sleeping and seeing efficient workers as somehow lazy. It's started though - there's more telecommuting and video conferencing, etc. still too slow for my taste.

@Steveology @ginidietrich Wonder if this is skewed by husbands running business BUT their wives have primary ownership for tax purposes?

@Steveology @ginidietrich Women are our own worst enemy. Esp. those with a mission! # 2 are the men coworkers with stay at home wives.

@WomenWhoTech @ginidietrich Somehow the question of having it all never comes up w/ female janitors. Only w/ well paid jobs.

@RebeccaAmyTodd no you didn't.. I like.

AWE-FREAKING-SOME ... rock on @ginidietrich !  You've always been my mentor (guess I forget to tell you that) but now you're my hero :)

I'm a single mom with a business I've owned since 1999. I can't tell you how many emails I've answered while watching my son play baseball, how many conference calls I've been on while mouthing to him 'please keep it down' and how many times I've had to schedule a meeting around an early school pick up day. We do what we have to get things done.

And I don't plan this to be this way but the majority of the people on my team are usually women because we can understand and respect each others schedules. Thanks so much for putting down in words what a lot of us have been thinking!

It's ok to be DINKs, right? (double-income no kids).

Work/life balance is not recognized enough regardless of your gender, race, whatever. The self-employed individual can do as they please but for the most part it seems that the post-war 1950 mentality to *everything* business is still the norm.

This is EXACTLY why people in Europe are happier than people in the US. We have a messed up view point. Oh and men gave up oppressing women there while we still fight this. I get amazed when I hear many male macho patriotic islam bashing because the taliban treat women poorly or muslims do.....and they want their wife or girlfriend submissive or chattel. Telling them they know what is best for their bodies and for their lives. Never asking their opinion. We have a much bigger number of people in the US who are taliban in orientation that there is in the middle east and it kind of sucks. and while you think my words might sound leftist or extreme I have been in office meetings with male chauvinists discussing whether to promote a female who wants to get pregnant or to bypass her...'because they never come back' after maternity leave.

The quote from that article that pretty much sums up why the woman made the choice she did was when she asked herself (paraphrasing here), "to whom am I indispensable?" and it was to her family, not the White House.

As a childless, single (for the moment) woman, I often find myself working more than I should because I'm not indispensable to anyone right now. That's a bad trap to fall into.

Gini, I randomly replied to at leave five of these comments, and I'm impressed that you followed up on all of them, and probably did the same for everyone else! SuperCommentWoman!

actually i think the main problem is work. We're expected to work these 40 hour weeks (who decided this?) to obtain X objectives, and for the most part, we are working for companies whose goals are not personal to us. And unless we are lucky enough to work for ourselves, or work for progressive companies, work will continue to dominate our lives. Wouldn't it be great if "someone" decided that a 4 hour workday was healthier for people? You can get if we were promised that, we could get almost the same amount of work done in those four hours than we do now (again, this is speaking of the results based vs. hours based we've been discussing). Or heck, if we just abolished the monetary system altogether and made everything free for everyone, that would solve everythign! :)

I never want to have to work through my son's soccer game.  That's a flat-out terrible way to live.  I love that this conversation is happening, but my god, there's so much underpinning our bad habits.  It will require more than work revolution to change.  It requires social revolution, changing the definition of masculine, feminine, parenthood, community, family and success.  Keep talking.    

Gini, you are a hero. And I were female, you'd be an even bigger hero. 

I read a great article (wish I could remember the source) that basically said, "Women could have it all...if they had their own wives." :)