Today’s guest post is written by Rusty Speidel.

Starbucks coffee shops are funny places. They are sort of the cultural watering holes of any given neighborhood, so many weird things happen there.

People meet there for breakfast, a little news, business meetings, dates—you name it. I even watched a lady order a Frappucino with TWELVE espresso shots in it.

Fo realz.

They can get pretty crowded too, so sometimes you end up sitting pretty darn close to someone else, even if, like me, you’d prefer a little more space. And earphones are KEY if you’re trying to get anything done at all.

Sometimes, even if you’re not trying to, you kinda, sorta MIGHT overhear what other people are saying. I mean you TRY not to, but you can’t HELP it, right?

I recently had that experience, times two. It looked to be some sort of date to my left, and clearly some kind of VC pitch to my right. I was browsing the Washington Post and drinking my Americano, but the cross talk got so bad I really couldn’t concentrate on the paper. And the conversation starting getting so convoluted, I became confused. Was it a meeting or a date? Jeez.

  • “Are you Beth? Hi, Bill Smit. Nice to finally meet you in person. I’d love a latte.”
  • “Nice to meet you, Sue. John Jones, Rich Angel Investments. Sure, I’d love a decaf macchiato.”
  • “What brings you to the area, business? Oh really? I’m a Libra.”
  • “When we do a series A, we like to make sure the business plan is in place. Otherwise, I won’t go on a second date.”
  • “So…when I finally moved in with my last boyfriend, we were in the middle of selecting the board of directors that could help us with our angel round. They were all about our Klout score and they were like all about the voting shares.”
  • “I never invest after the first meeting. If I’m going to go all the way, I have to be totally sure. These ventures can go south so fast and you don’t want to be left holding the bag because you were first in.”
  • “Typically, I just throw things against the wall and see what sticks. I mean, she’s gotta be into Tom Petty for things to work. Otherwise the business model won’t hold up after I have a second glass of wine.”
  • “Who’s your competition? What do you mean you don’t have any? I had a great time with Travis last week, he really knows how to order dinner. A real gentleman.”
  • “I’m not really sure how ready I am for a relationship. They are coming in to do due diligence next week and the business model is going to get pounded.”
  • “Of course you can have a board seat, we’d expect nothing less. We value your insights, not to mention you look really beautiful today.”
  • “I’m really having a good time with you. I think we’ve finally found a VC partner that gets it.I just hope you don’t beat us up on the termsheet.”
  • “Our valuation is looking really good on this series B. I mean, I feel like I’ve known you forever. Wanna get out of here?”

Where are my dang headphones??

What’s your favorite Starbucks pick-up line?

Rusty Speidel hasn’t given us his updated bio yet, so this will stay here until he does.